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Wednesday, July 15 is apparently “The Day Without Sports,” the mournful day of the year where there is not a single sporting event on television. If a sexist Netflix PR email is to be believed, this could mean chaos for men everywhere, as “girlfriends and wives around the U.S. are going to take ‘no sports on TV’ as an invitation to gain some serious TV power.”
But why stop there? Women of America, you obviously all hate sports and have boyfriends who feel tortured in the presence of traditional femininity, so take this opportunity not just to gain the upper hand with the TV, but also to subject him to all the activities he’s been missing while watching sports.
1. Teach him about proper tampon disposal. These bloody cotton tubes don’t just disappear!
2. Force him to watch Lilith Fair videos on YouTube. If he doesn’t understand Sarah McLachlan, he doesn’t understand you.
3. Make him read The Handmaid’s Tale. Follow up with a fun game of “Are you an Offred or an Ofglen?”
4. Make him join a coven. Let him bask in the feminine energy. Then ask him if he thinks men should have to endure childbirth.
6. Finally show him your secret wedding Pinterest board. Take a photo of his terrified face, then screen-print it on a pillow.
Screenshot via Pinterest
7. Make him call your mother and just chat. He needs to hear about her bunion just as much as you do.
Screenshot via Amazon
9. Juice cleanse. Kale soup for the male soul.
Forget Netflix; if you spend your sports-free day like this, your man might even look forward to the next one.
Screengrab via NewsWorks/YouTube
Jaya Saxena is a lifestyle writer and editor whose work focuses primarily on women's issues and web culture. Her writing has appeared in GQ, ELLE, the Toast, the New Yorker, Tthe Hairpin, BuzzFeed, Racked, Eater, Catapult, and others. She is the co-author of 'Dad Magazine,' the author of 'The Book Of Lost Recipes,' and the co-author of 'Basic Witches.'