According to Twitter analytics, “Dads were talked about on Twitter 143 million times in the past year” and “7.5 million Twitter accounts use the word ‘dad’ or ‘father’ in their Twitter bio,” showing dudes don’t mind, are proud even, to identify as fathers.
So it seems the tides have turned: Even though dads insist on wearing flip-flops, being a dad is actually pretty hip.
In honor of Father’s Day, we rounded up the best tweets about dads, tweets for dads, and tweets that just encapsulate the peak of all dadness. Read them and enjoy, or perhaps read them out loud to your father as he nods and says, “These sound like very reasonable and smart individuals.”
Tweets about fatherhood
Love is sucking hot soapy water through a sippy cup top to ensure it's truly clean. #DadTweets— M-D-M-R-N (@MDMRN) April 13, 2016
FYI: if my youngest child tells you she's going to "tickle you with [her] feet", she's just going to kick you. #dadtweets— Tim Senft (@bozamozam) March 29, 2016
The baby wakes me at 5:45 every morning so I’m tired all the time except between 10pm and midnight when I get lots of great ideas for tweets— Gabriel Roth (@gabrielroth) June 11, 2016
At least once a week I get half way to work and realize I am still listening to Veggie Tales. #dadtweets— zack pund (@zackpund) May 4, 2016
As a kid, I prayed for rain so I could skimboard on my local golf course. Now I pray for rain so I can turn off my sprinklers. #dadtweets— Kyle Hyams (@kylehyams) May 20, 2016
six-year-old daughter came up to me today and asked 'how big a kid do you think I could beat in boxing? high school?'— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) June 16, 2016
God help me
If you’re a guy & enjoy turning off lights in the house, over & over again, you will be a great dad. #dadtweets— Semil (@semil) April 16, 2016
It's 7:30 am and I'm debating the merits of which socks go best with pink kitty pants #dadtweets— tim (@timatlast) January 26, 2016
One cool thing about having four boys is that I can cut up a block of cheddar cheese and it will all be gone within minutes. #dadtweets— p2wy (@p2wy) April 9, 2016
With great power comes great buyer's remorse. pic.twitter.com/Gvx3fQyuCx— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) June 15, 2016
Me: That baby is woke af.— Your Mom's Librarian (@HalpernAlex) June 2, 2016
Wife: Why did I marry you?
A SALIENT ANECDOTE— Rumaan Alam (@Rumaan) May 8, 2016
delivery man: is your mommy home?
big: we have a daddy and a papa.
little: (screams) we have two daddies you nitwit!
[assembles an IKEA bookshelf]— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 19, 2016
Me: What do you think?
6-year-old: You did your best.
Tweets about dads
@mallelis sent an email with the subj "What are you doing?" And the content was just a single GRE practice question— Beezus is King (@_beatricek) October 8, 2014
[gun goes off]— joeg (@gojarbe) September 5, 2015
[every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]
ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway
My dad talking about his cough: "if I were any more flemish, I'd have to move to Belgium" #dadjokes— Mary Maclean (@missmaryjmac) May 23, 2016
Peak dad jokes
I stepped on a corn flake. Now I'm a cereal killer. #dadjokes— Ryan “Fluff” Bruce (@RiffsAndBeards) June 10, 2016
“Yeah, I was a lit major”—officer corps veteran recounting an episode of heavy drinking— Gabriel Roth (@gabrielroth) June 9, 2016
My dad finally found out about my tattoo and won't stop giving me shit for it pic.twitter.com/1lcfSBDjUg— big chicken (@teenagepuppy) May 26, 2016
Ain't no party like a legalese party— Judge Don Willett (@JusticeWillett) May 28, 2016
'Cause a legalese party don't estop.pic.twitter.com/ENAJUxpntX
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tear-able. #dadjokes— Ryan “Fluff” Bruce (@RiffsAndBeards) May 30, 2016
ROCK TRIVIA: Bob Dylan’s “Farewell Angelina” was written about Angelina Ballerina, with whom Dylan had a brief relationship in 1961— Gabriel Roth (@gabrielroth) February 13, 2016