Though lawmakers are still forcibly refuting the legality of same-sex marriage in Alabama, some counties have made the bold step to embrace the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling and began issuing marriage licenses on Monday.
With much of the state still in upheaval over the civil rights issue, many curious Americans have been dying for a report from inside the state to see exactly how citizens have been affected by the overturn of the gay marriage ban. Thankfully, “Redneck News” reporter Jeremy Todd Addaway is on the case. The brave citizen journalist ventured outside his home in Blount County, Ala., on Monday and recorded a dispatch documenting exactly how his property had been affected by the decision.
We’re happy to report that Addaway wasn’t harmed during his expedition to see exactly how homosexuals had affected his brush pile, shed, and “pile of junk.” “It looks like we’re pretty safe here in Blount County, and we’re not gonna be subjected to any plagues of homosexuals falling from the sky,” Addaway concludes.
We’ll update if we do hear any further reports of same-sex marriage spreading to the squirrel population, but until then, someone get this man a Pulitzer Prize.