If you’re shopping on Walmart.com, you’re already admitting to yourself that you just don’t have the time or energy to look anywhere else. Sure, you could find a plunger at the local hardware store, but on Walmart.com you can see seven different photos of the plunger, read a dozen spirited reviews about the plunger, and then have it shipped to your doorstep.
Walmart’s pure, concentrated, industrial-grade convenience can follow you everywhere up to and including the grave, thanks to a downright massive selection of classy caskets that would look great buried six feet under.
Where can we even begin with this beauty? The sleek blue steel look, white velvet interior and tasteful little… whatever those birds are on the inside. It all just screams luxury from top to bottom.
Official MLB Casket, Chicago Cubs
Chicago Cubs fans have a long history of being disappointed, so while you’re being let down for the very last time, it’s only fitting that you do so while riding in the officially licensed Cubs death box.
You can’t argue against the all-natural look of this swanky tomb. According to Walmart.com, this beauty is carved out of 100 percent natural wood, so you don’t have to worry about any of that nasty synthetic wood accompanying you on your ride to Valhalla.
For the budget-minded Walmart.com shoppers—so, all of them—there’s this delightfully tasteful, understated post-life cubicle. The features list isn’t long, consisting of “it’s biodegradable!” and little else, but that shouldn’t stop you from saving a buck or two on this sepia-toned classic.
White Eternity Oversized Casket
Woah there, high roller! Is this a casket or a Cadillac? With a luxurious, extra-wide 29″ interior this high-class coffin is practically a studio apartment. Slap a satellite dish on the lid and you’ve got yourself a mobile home!
Proud and Bold
I can’t tell if this designer body box was designed specifically to look like the cover of a death metal album or if that was just a happy accident. Either way, with a price of $1,566… wait, we might have… oh boy, Walmart is really outdoing itself on this one. That’s right, it’s Rollback time!
For a limited time, this big, black, bold beast is priced at a mere $1,439.75, a full $126.47 off its regular retail price! With savings like that, you can afford to pick up a few things at the virtual checkout lane before you swipe your credit card. Like maybe a 6-pack of batteries or a fun-sized candy bar! Treat yourself!
Photo via 50 Watts/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)