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Apple’s ‘comprehensive’ HealthKit app forgot about vaginas

Want to track your sodium intake? No problem! Want to find out when your Aunt Flo’s coming to town? Sorry, you’re out of luck. 


EJ Dickson


Vaginas! All they do is pop out babies and make weird noises during sex and drip trails of blood and mucus like slugs everywhere, and probably doody too. I don’t know, I’m not a doctor or anything.

The point is, vaginas are gross, and because they’re so gross, it makes sense why Apple would fail to take them into account while developing HealthKit, its new, ostensibly comprehensive health-tracking app. Although the app tracks everything from your sodium intake to your height to your blood alcohol level, as Arielle Duhaime-Ross at the Verge points out, it omits one chief bodily function: menstruation.

Sorry, uterus-lining-shedders! Guess you’ll have to use Android instead.

i cannot believe the Apple Health app doesn’t include a menstruation tracker how the f*ck did they omit that in an all-inclusive health app

— it’s the quenchiest (@literallysokka) September 25, 2014

Wow the Health app doesn’t have a menstruation tracker. And I didn’t even notice. For fucking SHAME, Apple. Jesus Christ.

— Emily (@emily_wk) September 26, 2014

All joshing aside, the concept of a period-tracking app isn’t without precedent: There are at least a dozen already available on the Apple Store, from Period Tracker to Fertility Friend Mobile to Clue. Women already use these apps for a wide range of functions, from trying to get pregnant to figuring out when they should switch from Super to Super Plus tampons.

Given that the existence of these apps proves there’s a market for a period-tracking function—not to mention the fact that, you know, more than 50 percent of the population that Apple is trying to cater to is female—it’s actually pretty mind-boggling that Apple didn’t think to include a menstruation-tracking feature in what is widely being touted as a “comprehensive” health tracker.

Of course, this isn’t the first time Apple has taken a decidedly anti-vagina stance, as we found out with iPad engraving. 

So what have we learned from this? That the geniuses who work at Apple are in this respect no different than the 12-year-old boys in your middle school grammar class who think vaginas are gross and snickered when your teacher said the word “period.” And that’s a bloody shame.

H/T The Verge | Photo via Wikipedia

The Daily Dot