Shaggy has the perfect plan to neutralize the ISIS threat

Shaggy has the perfect solution for destroying ISIS, and it has nothing to do with dropping bombs, making a personalized ISIS flag that features dildos, ordering alcohol at the terrorist organization’s five-star hotel, or even setting up your own mock execution with some blokes from work.

Like John Lennon once sang, all you need is love… of Shaggy’s music. Throw in some weed with that reggae sound, and, like Bob Marley once believed, everything’s gonna be alright.

“If you’re able to cut a man’s head off, you’re sick,” Shaggy told the Miami New Times. “But right, music evokes emotion. So if they’re listening to Shaggy music or reggae music, they’re not going to want to cut somebody’s head off.

“There’re two things you want to do when you listen to reggae: You get somebody pregnant, or you’re fucking high. High people don’t want to kill nothing; they want to love. They need to bag some Jamaican weed and distribute it amongst ISIS. I guarantee there won’t be any more wars out there.”

That’s, um, interesting policy. Perhaps the reggae star could let Barack Obama know about this newly developed strategy to deal with the Islamic State.

“Man, it’ll put them in a vibe,” he said. “And throw some Bob Marley up in there and there’ll be peace. Some of these world leaders need to be stoners though, really.”

But then again, Shaggy’s latest single is one that might not evoke such peaceful feelings if somebody uttered the title to ISIS in anger.

So, how does ISIS relate to “Go Fuck Yourself,” especially if, as Shaggy declares, the organization is only a millisecond away from getting the finger?

“ISIS can go fuck themselves,” Shaggy said. “That’s some crazy shit what they’re doing. It’s horrible, man. I can’t see… I don’t get that much hate. I just don’t get that level of evil. I can’t understand it.”

Though ISIS probably wouldn’t like to hear that take, give them enough Jamaican weed and it probably wouldn’t matter. Because with Shaggy’s music and his pot, ISIS would want to make love, not war.

Photo via Michael Elleray/Flickr (CC BY 2.0) 

Josh Katzowitz

Josh Katzowitz

Josh Katzowitz is a staff writer at the Daily Dot specializing in YouTube and boxing. His work has appeared in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, and Los Angeles Times. A longtime sports writer, he's covered the NFL for CBSSports.com and boxing for Forbes. His work has been noted twice in the Best American Sports Writing book series.