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Conan knows how the NFL can improve its image

The NFL couldn't be prouder of how minor some of its players' crimes are.


Michelle Jaworski


Posted on Oct 15, 2014   Updated on May 30, 2021, 9:54 am CDT

The NFL may have finally figured out to handle its player problem.

Dallas Cowboys running back Joseph Randle was arrested for stealing a bottle of cologne and underwear Monday, and while he’ll receive a hefty fine, he probably won’t be suspended from playing in Sunday’s game.

However, instead of berating him for stealing, the NFL is applauding just one of the members of its “NFL Victimless Crimes Program” for a job well done. These players get a slap on the wrist for committing white collar crimes instead of felonies.

While the response itself is obviously a joke on Conan, it rings depressingly true. The thought of the organization patting itself on the back when a player gets arrested for something minor like theft—as opposed to something like domestic violence, murder, or substance abuse—is both hilarious and dispiriting to imagine. And probably plausible.

Screengrab via Team Coco

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*First Published: Oct 15, 2014, 1:04 pm CDT