For those of you who were moved from watching you saw 50 sexual assault victims defiantly march onstage to stand alongside Lady Gaga, as she performed her survivor anthem “Til It Happens To You,” at the Oscars Sunday night, you are not alone.
“To be honest, I’m terrified. Yet, this is something I felt was put on my heart to write and to share and after all these years allow myself to be free of something I felt I had to hide,” Roper said on an Instagram post, encouraging people to read her latest blog update.
After revealing information about the attack, she echoed the sentiment that many of the victims—23 percent of female undergraduates, according to the Association of American Universities—feel after being assaulted.
“I convinced myself I must have deserved it. That this bad thing happened to me because of something I had done. That I wasn’t worth being loved. That I wasn’t worth having sex for the first time with someone who cared about me. All the hurt and the anger I had towards the boys that assaulted me, I took out on myself. I destroyed myself with harmful words and internalized all my emotions. I became depressed, anxious, and self loathing. I contemplated hurting myself several times. I learned to bury everything so I could try and move on.”
The Bachelor fans remember Roper from Chris Soules’ season, but the 29-year-old reality TV vet fell for Tanner Tolbert on Bachelor in Paradise. The newlyweds had their on-screen wedding in January.
She shared the link to her blog on Twitter, where Lady Gaga applauded her for her revelation.
Check out Lady Gaga’s performance from Sunday night here:
Screengrab via Lady Gaga Vevo/YouTube