While the Golden Globes is Hollywood’s most notoriously boozy awards show, we feel like you should match that revelry at home in your PJs as you yell at the television when Matt Bomer doesn’t win. (Seriously, he’s been shut out for The Normal Heart way too many times.)
To help, we’ve crafted yet another fool-proof drinking game that will have you tipsy before they get to the In Memoriam segment.
The rules: Whenever the below happens, you drink as much as we say. (Or, heck, as much as you want. It’s your night.)
What you need: A television with cable, Slingbox, or a hookup to your parents’ cable, plus alcohol and (hopefully) friends.
Do a shot
When a guy finally wears something that’s not a boring black tux. Double shots for anyone in a kilt.
Take the smallest sip
For every celebrity who can’t remember who designed his or her outfit.
When someone says they picked out their outfit just a few minutes before they got in the limo. They are a liar.
When anyone utters the phrase, “It’s an honor just to be nominated.”
Reluctantly take a drink
Whenever they make a Boyhood joke. There will be so many Boyhood jokes.
When Tina Fey or Amy Poehler note the fact that Parks and Recreation got no nomination, and that sucks.
Take a medium sip
When you pretend you’ve seen all the foreign language films and have an opinion on who should win. “Ida was clearly superior to Tangerines…”
Take a giant gulp
At the inevitable Into the Woods musical moment.
Finish your glass
Every time someone mispronounces Quvenzhané.
Drink and then lay facedown in shame
When someone makes a racist or sexist faux pas.
Shotgun a beer
If a group of nominees do a planned bit while their category is being read by the presenters.
Cheers your champagne
When someone who really deserves it wins big.
Do a beer-and-liquor-bomb of your choice
If someone gets caught shit-talking on camera, or whispering things like, “Who’s that?”
Put a straw in your glass and just keep it coming
When the boring categories (screenplay, composing) start.
Take a big swig
When Meryl Streep is on screen. You do this to honor her genius.
If you did all this, you are very drunk. Go celebrate with an entire pizza, because real winners get pizza.
Illustration by Max Fleishman