Beyoncé and Jay-Z performed Beyoncé’s “Drunk in Love” at the Grammy Awards at the end of January, and it was an undeniably sultry performance. Beyoncé looked like an angel from Sex Heaven as she danced with her husband.
Only some viewers did not enjoy Queen Bey’s performance. Some viewers, with sensibilities dainter than a baby flower perched atop a tiny needle made of china, got offended by the sheer force of sexiness.
And their complaints to the FCC are hilarious. Smoking Gun gained access to some of the original documents; here are some highlights:
“She was dressed with half of her butt showing. Her hair was wet.”
Is there something displeasing about wet hair I haven’t heard about?
Please censor this material from our children, and from public TV & Internet.”
Um, if you think this is one of the more explicit things on the Internet you’ve… probably never been on the Internet.
“Her spread eagle poses barely covered her vulva”
That phrase is more graphic than the performance.
“It was ‘supposed’ to be a classy awards show for music and not a stripper show.”
1. Why is “supposed” in scare quotes?
2. The Grammys have never been classy.
“I felt like I should be taking antibiotics.”
That’s not what antibiotics are for.
“I want to ask Beyonce if it’s ok if I stick my butt in her child’s face like she did mine […] I wonder how many kids got raped last night after seeing Beyonce’s performance.”
You can’t ask Beyoncé anything because she is busy being perfect, and also, why would kids get raped after seeing Beyoncé’s performance? Does this person think that children somehow become more rapeable after witnessing musical genius? (Rape is not funny, of course, times infinity. And that’s why this complaint is doubly stupid: It’s trivializing something serious by implying that watching the Grammys could make somebody more prone to getting raped.)
People also complained about the marriage ceremony that occurred for same-sex couples, as well as Katy Perry’s performance (in one, Perry was accused of summoning Satan).
Good work, everyone!