Stay safe out there, nudists!
This Saturday, May 7, marks the 11th annual World Naked Gardening Day, which is exactly what it sounds like: Get naked, go outside, prune some things. Why should you be gardening naked, putting yourself at risk for sunburns and rashes in uncomfortable places, you may ask?
Well, according to the organizers’ website, “Second only to swimming, gardening is at the top of the list of family-friendly activities people are most ready to consider doing nude.” We have no statistics on that, but sure, why not! “Moreover,” they write, “our culture needs to move toward a healthy sense of both body acceptance and our relation to the natural environment.” That sounds cool, too!
However, gardening can be a dangerous activity, made even more so by your intimate bits being exposed to the elements. So here are a few tips on how to stay safe this World Naked Gardening Day.
1) Make sure you can actually be naked
The World Naked Gardening Day site lists “park cleanups” and “community gardening” as ways you can participate. But stripping down and riding the subway to go pick up trash at your local park will probably get you arrested. Your best bet is to stay on your own (or a good friend’s) property.
But if you’re going to go public, brush up on your local nudity laws. Fun fact: In New York City, it is perfectly legal for women to be topless in any public space, so feel free to go weeding in Central Park, ladies!
2) SPF is your friend
So are sandals.
3) Learn the power of the suggestive Instagram
Remember that scene in Austin Powers where everyone is naked but their private parts are covered up by well-placed fruit? Recreate that in your backyard. Take tips from this guy, who has mastered the art of angling flowers. [NSFW]
4) Keep it to gardening
World Naked Beekeeping Day sounds a little dangerous.
5) At least once, hold hands with everyone around you and dance in a circle
It’s just tradition.
6) Consider your tools
Given that your body will be unprotected from the elements, you may want to avoid any gardening chores that require picks, shears, or this “super shovel,” a.k.a. murder weapon. So go ahead, water your garden. Pick some fruit. Rub fresh lemongrass between your hands, breathe in the scent, and think to yourself how lucky you are to be alive in the bright sunlight. Just don’t accidentally stab yourself.
7) Avoid Poison Ivy
Leaves of three, let it be.
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