In the midst of the Christmas consumer frenzy, we sometimes lose sight of what makes the holiday so special: the chance to get together with your extended family and ogle some hot cousins. Over the course of the holiday, blogger Jeb Lund, @Mobute on Twitter, was retweeting examples of such pseudo-stalking almost as fast as people were admitting to it:
my cousin is so hot
— becca (@florallarry) December 26, 2013
i remb the time when i was left alone with my cousin and he was hot so little did he know what dirty things were going on my mind ohgod bye
— kate (@heyyaniall) December 26, 2013
MY COUSIN IS HOT WTF I AM FEELIN INCEST
— nail? (@OFFICIALALIX) December 26, 2013
my cousin is so hot i cant being in the familyzone sucks
— stephanal (@nouiscolgate) December 26, 2013
I WENT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF MY HOT COUSIN AND THE FLASH WENT OFF
— cuddly cailee? (@adoringsam) December 25, 2013
Hot cousin brought his gf to christmas noooo
— Hannah Marie (@hannahnsomecats) December 25, 2013
Welp. My cuz just looked at me & said, “if you weren’t my cousin, id pretty much be in love with you…I mean you’re hot.”
— ⓗⓑ (@djholleeb) December 25, 2013
Who knew that the doomed attraction between Arrested Development’s George Michael Bluth and Maeby Fünke, star-crossed cousins who struggled to resist hooking up, was such a prevalent phenomenon? Well, probably the rest of the globe—10 percent of marriages worldwide are between people who share at least one grandparent. In the Middle East, where such relationships are practically encouraged, that figure is closer to 50 percent.
The taboo against these matches, it turns out, is a relatively recent development in Western culture, but it’s been firmly entrenched: The Internet reacted to these horny confessions with a collective and resounding “Ha, gross.” But the naïve willingness to go public with such information, combined with a few other factors (see below), make us wonder if the frenzy of puberty isn’t the real culprit behind such inappropriate thoughts.
I love how like 3/4 of the “hot cousin” tweets @Mobute is retweeting are from people with members of One Direction as their avatar.
— Michauld Lang Syne (@mike_shoro) December 26, 2013
At any rate, you now have another year to regroup and think about how to impress your hot cousin, who by the time you meet again will no doubt be hotter than you remember. There’s always the off chance that in the interval, they’ll meet someone hot who isn’t a blood relative, though I’d be very surprised if they threw away what the two of you already have. It’s fate.
Photo by ursla/Flickr