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Meet the unhinged successor to ‘deranged sorority girl’

Watch the throne.

Mar 1, 2020, 10:20 am*

IRL

 

Miles Klee

For two long years, America has wondered whether any young woman could ever unseat Rebecca Martinson as reigning queen of psychotic sorority girls. Now the wait is over.

Unlike Martinson, this pledger-to-be isn’t even in college yet, which gives us high hopes for when she does eventually rush—which she’s totally doing, in case you harbored any doubts. Either she’s got a razor-sharp sense of satire, or shit’s about to get real at South Carolina.

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Moderators for the USC Class of 2019’s Facebook group were kind enough to let me join despite my graduating from a different college eight years ago, so we can report that this post has disappeared from the page. Meanwhile, there’s a running in-joke about someone named Patricia, presumably the author.

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Writing for BroBible, Martinson herself described Patricia’s public and hostile declaration of rank supremacy as “the most try-hard post on Facebook” and prophesied that it would get her “blacklisted from every sorority at USC.” In an email to the Daily Dot, she gave the mini-screed a lackluster grade of F+. 

I give it a F+ for not going far enough that it’s blatantly a joke and for obviously trying too hard, but it gets a plus for the fact that she supposedly knows how to knit in this day and age. Like I were in a life or death situation and the grim reaper was like “You can either drown in lava or knit me a fancy new scarf” I’d be dead.

I, for one, just cannot believe it backfired.         

H/T Total Sorority Move | Photo by Milica Sekulic/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

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*First Published: Feb 12, 2015, 5:55 pm