Think you have a large penis? Charade you are, my friend! No matter how well-endowed you might be, you’re probably not nearly as pripaic as this teenage male from Florida, who had to get what is being referred to as “the world’s first penis reduction surgery.”
How large does a penis have to be for it to merit a penis reduction surgery, you ask? Well, take a look-see at a SFW version of said phallus here:
And here:
Metro via Journal of Sexual Medicine
It’s OK to look at, because to quote our Daily Dot colleague Cooper Fleishman, “it’s a medical dick, not a real dick.”
At this point, if you’re a man, you’re probably thinking, “Wow, what a lucky fella. This sounds like a medical condition I could get on board with. Ha ha! Ha ha! I am unimaginative, and ashamed of the size of my own genitalia.”
Well, we hate to ruin your illusions of having a member so large you could swing it around walking down the street, like Charlie Chaplin’s Little Tramp with his cane, but having a large penis was not a walk in the park for this young man.
According to the Daily Mail, the man suffered from priapism, a medical condition that causes penile swelling due to a blockage in the blood vessels of the penis. Although he’d previously had an average-sized penis, the condition made his penis seven inches long with a circumference of about 10 inches, or about the size of one of those Fisher-Price softballs you had to hit in elementary school gym class.
“His penis had inflated like a balloon,” Dr. Rafael Carrion, the surgeon who treated the patient at the University of South Florida, told the Daily Mail. “It sounds like a man’s dream – a tremendously inflated phallus – but unfortunately although it was a generous length, it’s girth was just massive, especially around the middle.” Carrion compared the appearance of the man’s package to an “American football,” which makes me want to both never have sex again, and get some nachos and watch old game tape of OSU at Michigan State.
Fortunately, the young man ended up having surgery, and his penis has been restored to its original, “normal” length. So if you too are walking around with a giant, engorged football-sized penis, never fear: A semi-invasive surgical procedure can fix that right up for you. Or you can just go on OKCupid and look for a lady with a football-shaped vagina. Either one.
H/T Mirror UK | Photo via Ben/Flickr (CC BY SA 2.0)