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Mattel makes AI so you no longer have to care for your children

Heaven forbid you read 'Goodnight Moon' one more time.


Jessica Machado


Posted on Jan 3, 2017   Updated on May 25, 2021, 6:51 am CDT

Children, love them, are a pain in the ass. They ask a lot of questions, especially “why?” and constantly need stuff like eye contact and holding. Not to mention parenting has gotten in the way of many important adult traditions like eating lunch and watching Vanderpump Rules without interruption. So it’s good that a company is finally smart enough to tackle these modern family nuisances. 

Say hello to Aristotle, Mattel’s answer to Amazon‘s Alexa, but made for children. Or really, parents. The $300 Wi-Fi-enabled personal assistant and “smart baby monitor” will read kids bedtime stories, help teens with their homework, and auto-soothe babies when they wake up wailing. Never will you have to touch your child again. 

While helpful in a world obsessed with time management, not everyone is digging the philosophy behind this Aristotle. 

Screenshot via Twitter

According to Fast Company, Mattel’s new toy won’t be out until June. It also has the voice of a “perky, 25-year-old kindergarten teacher,” which is at least more warm than flat, robotic Alexa, but still not as warm as, you know, the vibrations that coddled you in the womb.

H/T the Verge

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*First Published: Jan 3, 2017, 4:48 pm CST