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Men: If you want your testicles to stay un-kicked, I recommend not listening to Brian Robinson.
How’s your long weekend going? Good? Relaxing? Are you enjoying your Columbus Day/anti–Columbus Day? Well, you won’t be for long after you rest your eyes upon the visage of Brian Robinson, a 48-year-old man who claims he can teach men to pick up any woman they want on the subway.
— New York Post (@nypost) October 13, 2014
Brian has lived in New York City for 14 years. During that time, he claims to have picked up hundreds of women on the subway, using such tactics as those he described to the New York Post below:
Robinson’s time-tested approach is to pretend he’s lost and ask for directions.
“I would always say, ‘Is this local or express?’ and then say, ‘I hear an accent: Where are you from?’ It’s an awesome door-opener—97 percent of all NYC women are from someplace else,” he said.
“No matter what place she says, say, ‘Wow, I’ve always wanted to visit your country/city, etc. … do you have email?’” Robinson suggested.
If you’re a man in New York City, you might be thinking to yourself: “Hey, that sounds relatively benign. Maybe this dude is on to something.” But as a woman in New York City, who either bears witness to or directly interacts with subway creepers on a regular basis, let me tell you that he is not.
Take a look at the ellipsis between those two clauses in Robinson’s pick-up statement. From a woman’s perspective, this is what that ellipsis sounds like: “Wow, I’ve always wanted to visit your country/city, etc., and I’d like to surgically remove your rear end from your body and wear it as a fancy Sunday hat while parading around Fifth Avenue. Do you have email?”
See what I’m saying? It’s just not gonna work.
Shockingly, Robinson claims to have picked up nearly 500 women using this strategy. He’s so confident in the strength of his advice that he’s even penning a book on his pickup tactics, How to Meet Women on the Subway.
But a strong word of caution to the men of New York City: Please do not try this IRL. Leave us alone.
Let us read our book or play 2048 or listen to our NPR podcast or whatever we’re doing until we have to get off at our stop. If you wanna smile at us, if you wanna take your chances by waving at us or saying hello, fine. But if you want your testicles to remain un-kicked and intact, I strongly recommend against taking Robinson’s advice to heart.
H/T Gothamist | Screengrab via BriancRobinson/YouTube
EJ Dickson is a writer and editor who primarily covers sex, dating, and relationships, with a special focus on the intersection of intimacy and technology. She served as the Daily Dot’s IRL editor from January 2014 to July 2015. Her work has since appeared in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, Mic, Bustle, Romper, and Men’s Health.