Weird YouTube: Maximus Thor
The black hole of YouTube can be the worst way to ruin an afternoon, or the best way to find some of the strangest things on the Internet. For example, Maximus Thor.
The first video is unassuming enough–a young, blonde, permanently shirtless child (apparently named Maximus) hops along a jungle gym, then turns to the camera and, in the voice of a large black man, proclaims, “Hi, beeyatch!” But wait.
From here on in, Maximus—still voiced by a large black man—starts revealing what makes him tick. He discusses the implications of Darth Vader’s mask while playing a rousing game of Minecraft.
Pulp Fiction-esque minutia becomes the theme of this channel as Maximus rants about the poor service and lack of male role models in the Happy Meal toys at his local McDonald’s. “You got 20 of them Disney princess dolls but I can’t get a damn Transformer up in this bitch? I mean I’ll take the shit if that’s all ya got.”
Like any growing boy who is also a 40-year-old black man, Maximus goes to the gym, where he “get swole” and forgets how to count to 1,000.
During a massage, Maximus has a chat with his lawyer about some legal trouble he’s in. Likely a citation for being too damn gangster.
Maximus, now in a Bumblebee (the Transformer) Halloween costume, plays with a dog. The lawyer hits on the masseuse who is also a vampire? At this point it’s anyone’s guess what’s really happening.
With his crew, Maximus draws comparisons between former New York Giants football player Lawrence Taylor and the Terminator while possibly drinking sizzurp.
A man is introduced as Maximus’s father but is actually a robot made out of cardboard? All semblance of reality is now lost.
Maximus speaks with his lawyer about his interest in making a “white exploitation film” which would be “gangsta Disney shit” that seems to have a lot in common with Robocop.
Finally, Maximus buys toy guns from the truck of a car while quoting 2Pac and learns a few things about marksmanship. “That little thing is for aiming? And all this time I just been blastin’ at fools.”
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