broccoli

New blog launches acerbic hate fest against broccoli

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Any kid will tell you that vegetables are a pretty terrible food group and deserve to be the target of a hate-blog. Thankfully, a new Tumblr does just that.

Called Fuck You, Broccoli, the acerbic (and acidic) new blog tears into broccoli and every other vegetable in existence. An “in-depth exploration of vegetables and other so-called healthy foods,” is how it bills itself.

So, why the hate toward broccoli and other veggies? The blog’s "About" page gives us an explicit and awesome look into why the unknown writer ravages vegetables, and somehow equates vegetables and Hitler in a bizarre proof of Godwin’s Law.

“I hate them with a passion that burns like twelve suns, covered in hot sauce, in a pressure cooker turned up to eleven,” the blogger writes. “It’s not just their awful flavor, or the worse-than-awful aftertaste. It’s not just the mushy texture - a consistency never found in the best junk foods or confectionery.”

The blog is updated Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays, and will keep going until the author “[runs] out of hate.” Each post usually features a review of a vegetable. Take this one, for instance, where the anonymous blogger concludes that cabbage “looks like lettuce, tastes like ass.” Fair point.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, meanwhile, the eloquent vegetable-hater answers reader questions. “Why does celery take like dirt?,” one person asked. That led to this response: “[it’s] sort of like that uncomfortable backwash taste you get just after you throw up and before you let yourself take a drink of water because you’re not sure if it’s safe yet.”

And, no, the blog’s writer isn’t racist against vegetables so let’s stop the letters. “I do not judge vegetables by the color of their skin, but by the [pulposus], squashy content of their pernicious character,” the author explained. “I am an anti-Vegite. That’s a whole different thing.”

Photo by Whologwhy