We pity the fool who's not watching Mr. T on YouTube
Mr. T now has a YouTube channel, and as trite as it is to use this line to open a story about Mr. T, we pity the fool who don't go and watch it right now.
The legendary actor, famous for his roles as B.A. Baracus on The A-Team and 'roided-up tough guy Clubber Lang in the epic Rocky III, has brought the mohawk and his massive collection of ginormous gold chains to the small screen, gracing our billion-strong community with wit and wisdom in the form of "Ask Mr. T."
The show launched last month and has thus seen three different episodes, all of which are about a minute-and-a-half long and find Mr. T answering questions Dear Abby style in front of a green screen.
Cubicle monkey Nigel has a problem with the office copier and wants to know how to fix it.
"The battle of man versus machine continues. You need to open that sucker up, slide open tray A, grab hold of that paper jammed in there, and pull that sucker out. And don't let no machine take you for a ride. I once had a fight with a printing press machine. Mr. T made headlines that day."
Fleet footed Jennifer is afraid of flying.
"Any sucker try to tell you they ain't afraid of flying, they're lying. Man wasn't meant to fly. The Wright brothers were the wrong brothers. Why don't you get a boat? Don't fly, float!"
World-class wimp Leon wants to know what it takes to be a tough guy like Mr. T.
"Without pain, there ain't no gain, fool. Do you think I became Mr. T sitting on my backside? No sir. When I could have just walked, I ran. When I could have just ran, I flew like an eagle. My advice to you is this: quit hiding from your pain. Your pain is driving me insane. Now drop and give me 20."
Mr. T's new YouTube channel is part of an across-the-board blitz of new media for the timeless tough guy, now 60. He joined Twitter in January, noting five days after opening his account (@MrT) that there's "a whole lot of jibba jabba" on the microblogging site.
Two months later, he's "still learning" how to handle all that "tweet'n, retweet'n and all that jibbajabba" but he's moving at a good clip.
"I'll get there tho 'cause I never quit."
Damn straight, T!