While you were spending your three-day weekend locked in your house playing Kim Kardashian’s new video game and getting bedsores in the process, the real Kim was experiencing a reality vastly more terrifying than that.
Like a nightmarish episode of The Twilight Zone, Kardashian was apparently stuck in the gorgeous paradise of the Hamptons without any cell reception, thus unable to post beachy summer bikini pics. Which begs the age-old philosphical question: if you were in the Hamptons but didn’t Instagram, were you even in the Hamptons?
Unable to tolerate third-world standards and, no doubt, yearning for the vitriolic comments that flood her postings, Kardashian chartered a helicopter to New York so she could once again snap selfies. On Sunday, Kardashian posted a selfie alongside frequent human prop-slash-hairstylist Scotty Cunha that read, “Bye Hamps!!!! YOUR CELL PHONE RECEPTION SUCKS!!!! Have to go to the city real quick to Instagram!!!”
But given that this is a woman who spent four days slaving away on filter choices and lighting to perfect the most popular photo on Instagram, is it such a stretch to imagine that she would charter a helicopter for the sole purpose of social media?
In all honesty, we should be paying for that helicopter ride because of, as Kanye West once said, “how important Kim is to the Internet.” Forget securing safe water in Africa—someone get started on the Kardashian selfie fundraising campaign.