Cherries

Gals: How to cherry-pick your guys online

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Beth Cook is a dating coach and writer. Want advice? Have advice? Send her an email.

I love when women tell me excitedly that they’ve set up an online dating profile. What I don’t love is when they then go on to say, “But I’ve only gotten emails from two guys and they’re not cute.”

My dear, darling dater, I would venture to guess that the reason you’ve set up your new online dating account is because you’re sick of waiting around for guys to ask you out. It’s not happening at the frequency you’d like, and you’re not interested in sitting alone at a bar every night.

So: why sit around and wait for guys to approach you online?

If I’ve learned anything from my trials on OkCupid, Match, et al., it’s that your inbox will quickly and unwillingly fill up with bullshit messages from guys you’d never lay a hand on. You might get a smirking emoticon or an empty “you’re sexy”—from guys who are more interested in spamming things with vaginas rather than individual, amazing YOU.

It’s just the nature of the beast. You’ve seen these cheeseballs in real life… now you’re acquainted with them online.

The only way to get what you want online (just like IRL) is to actually go after it. Pursue, pursue, pursue!

You’re the expert on who you are, so get out there and pick a few good men! All of my best online dates were with guys I cherry-picked. You have nothing to lose—only dates to gain.

On that note, here are a few things to keep in mind while you pick your cherries, so to speak:

  • Set a goal so you don’t slip into your original passive ways. Email five interesting guys a week.
  • Sign up for two dating sites at a time, and at least one that you pay for (people tend to take dating a tad more serious on sites that cost money).
  • Get out on a date as soon as you feel comfortable with someone. Chemistry is invisible online.

Last and perhaps most importantly: If you want a guy to take you out and make you feel like a lady, turn off “pursuit mode” during the planning of the date and the actual date. Taking charge is a great way to get the conversation going, and to secure a date. But what most women have told me is that at the end of the day, they want to be courted by a guy. If you’re like that too, let him take the lead from here.

He’ll feel good. You’ll feel good. Hell, you may even have a sparkly date with a cherry-on-top kiss at the end.

Photo by banoootah_qtr/Flickr