A man on Reddit took to the subreddit r/AmITheAsshole to get people’s opinions on his recent behavior. His wife is going through a difficult time, and he pushed her away when she needed him most because he felt he was more deserving of a good night’s sleep. This led to a serious fight in their marriage. The post has 4,600 upvotes and 1,000 comments.
He started the post by explaining the situation, writing, “I need some opinions. My wife and I have been married for two years and we are in a tough spot.” He continued, “About two and a half months ago my wife and SIL were in a car crash. My SIL did not make it and it has been devastating for my wife.”
It’s common for someone who has experienced a tragedy like this to struggle with nightmares. This is exactly what happened to his wife. OP knows she can’t control her nightmares, but he is still upset about how they affect his sleep. Since he works in the construction industry, he believes he needs a better night’s sleep than his wife, who recently lost her job after developing depression following the accident. She was no longer able to work.
So, he asked her to sleep on the couch once or twice a week. He explained, “Being woken up in the middle of the night makes it worse. My job is also physical so a soft bed is really needed or I will be in pain the next morning. I have slept on our couch a few times, it isn’t a new couch and I just feel like shi*t after sleeping there after a long day.”
His wife was understandably upset and offended after being asked to sleep on the couch. The request led to a massive fight, leaving OP wondering if he was in the wrong.
Commenters Suggest Ways the Couple Could Get Better Sleep
“NAH…that is an incredibly rough situation for you guys, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it; you’re genuinely trying to support the both of you…would it be possible for her parents to help with therapy or to have her stay with them or some different family for a bit? Or for you to?” one Redditor asked.
Another commenter expressed concern about the wife’s mental health following the accident:
“Sounds like the wife could have PTSD. it is an assumption but likely based on the car crash, which caused the death of her sister, absolutely could cause PTSD and if the nightmares are related to the incident, she could be reliving that crash at night, potentially during the day too etc., which would be enough for her to qualify for EMDR or trauma counselling. This is my assumption based on the post but it's an assumption.”
Many commenters agreed that it was reasonable for OP to want uninterrupted sleep, but felt his wife shouldn’t have to sleep on a couch. They encouraged him to find a twin bed or another suitable option that would allow her to sleep comfortably each night.
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the claims made in the Reddit post, which reflects the original poster’s account of the situation.
