Orgasm Oddities is a column dedicated to exploring weird, niche, and inventive sex toys and accessories. We do not shame people who enjoy these toys. We simply seek to answer the question: Does this get a person off? If you have suggestions for sexy items we should review, contact Alex Dalbey on Twitter @thedialogtree or via email at [email protected].
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Anytime I have recently said the words “bobblehead dildo” to a friend for the first time, I’ve watched the emotional journey on their face from confusion to shock to curiosity to joy. For most people, sex toys are a private affair, but the Wobbling Willy is too unique and precious to be kept quiet. It begs to be talked about even more than it begs to be fucked.
I’ll say right off the bat that the Wobbling Willy is meant more for visual entertainment than internal. The first question on the FAQ page is “Is Wobbling Willy a joke or what?” The answer, in part: “Kind of.” However, the makers also say that it is a fully functional dildo made of 100% body-safe silicone. The bobblehead is obviously the selling point, but can the Wobbling Willy actually get you off? This is the mystery I set out to solve.
Wobbling Willy provided a review copy of its product that included, to my surprise and joy, my own custom bobblehead.
“Are you gonna do me?” my fiance asked with discomfort. I assured them I would not create a 3D bobblehead dildo in their likeness unless they wanted me to. The few friends I’d told about this product flooded me with suggestions, including, repeatedly for some reason, Garfield. In the end, seeing no evidence of anthropomorphized animal heads on the Wobbling Willy site, I went with the second-most ridiculous choice possible: myself.
The bobblehead is hand sculpted from clay based on pictures you provide (you can do just one, but the more the better). You get two Wobbling Willy proofs during the process. The first was of my head without hair, which made me laugh so hard I gave myself hiccups.
I gave my approval and sent additional pictures of my haircut. When the final proof came, I was amazed at the accuracy and smashed the “approved” button so fast I forgot to take a screenshot.
It was just a matter of days after approving the last proof that my personalized Wobbling Willy was shipped out all the way from the Swedish willy factory to my home in Minnesota. I unboxed it and found a soft grey storage bag. With apprehensive excitement, I pulled out the long, thick, fuschia shaft attached to a tiny body with a ribbed, bendy silicone neck. With its approximately four-inch tall body and eight-inch phallus, it looked like some kind of modern fertility statue. The silicone was soft but surprisingly rigid. I shook it gently and the head wobbled. I thrust it a few times and the head fell off. Not a good sign.
But the head really was remarkable in its detail. The nose is a little big, and I was flatteringly given a distinctly stronger chin than I have in real life, but my dimples and my heavy eyebrows are correct. The most impressive detail is the accuracy of the hair. The top layer is a bubblegum pink, while the undercut reflects my failure to consistently dye any part of my hair I can’t see, with spots of brown throughout the pink. As a friend said, “they’re calling you out with your own dildo.”
At one point, I set the Wobbling Willy on the coffee table. My fiance said it made them uncomfortable, that it was looking at them. These feelings were possibly intensified because we had just watched Child’s Play the night before. A silent fear passed between us of the dildo awakening, moving about our apartment, causing mischief while dragging its enormous dong along the floor. Or maybe that was just me.
When it came time to test the Wobbling Willy on my body, it was quite a process. While the shaft is long, it doesn’t compare to how thick the head is. I have never been a size king/queen, but I have always been stubborn. With much patience and water-based lube, I was able to fully insert the toy and use it. At the right speed, the bobblehead had a slight wobble, providing an interesting counterweight sensation. However, that rocking motion slowly inched the head up the neck until it fell off. After an hour and a half of play, I was sweaty and sore, and I gave up on cumming with the Wobbling Willy.
Tries two and three were similarly unsuccessful. It was only when I removed the bobblehead so I didn’t have to repeatedly stop that I was finally able to get release. Even then, the orgasm was squeezed out like the last bit of toothpaste in a tube.
From a purely aesthetic perspective, the Wobbling Willy is wonderful. The attention to detail that goes into the custom heads is truly astonishing: $99 may seem like a lot to pay for a novelty sex toy, but the labor and quality of material that goes into the Wobbling Willy absolutely makes it worth that price. Still, many people can’t afford to drop that much money on a sex toy that will get them off, let alone one that mostly exists for laughs. But if you have the money to spend, this may be the best gag gift ever invented.
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