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Is it possible for a sex toy to work for all bodies?
It’s not easy to find a reliable vibrator, even if you’re cisgender. Finding a toy that’s the right size, price, noise level, and strength can be an expensive game of trial and error. If you’re trans, there is an added complication: How many of your old, reliable toys aren’t compatible with your new and/or hormone replacement therapy-improved junk, or even just a new relationship with your body? The Enby by Wild Flower, a company owned and operated by nonbinary folks, is a vibrator specifically made as a solution to this problem.
The Enby takes its name from the shortened term for nonbinary. Not all nonbinary people like to use the word “enby” to describe themselves, but I do, and I was happy to see my gender finally represented in a sex toy. Many toys on the market are extremely gendered in design and marketing, with names like “Lioness” and “OptiMale.” Even if it was just in name, I was excited for the Enby to exist. Many toys are also intended for specific genitals, like masturbator sleeves for penises and non-flared dildos for vaginas. There are vibrators that can be put anywhere that feels nice, like bullets or wands, but they’re usually not very ergonomic, and often can’t be used hands-free.
Wild Flower’s goal with the Enby was to break that mold and create an accessible, flexible sex toy that can change to meet the needs of any partner’s body. In a video introducing the Enby to the world, Wild Flower founders Amy and Nick Boyajian show off its versatility. It can be laid flat for humping, folded into a stroker, tucked into a harness, or even just placed between two people during sex.
I was given a review copy of the dark grey, or “ash,” Enby. As soon as I took it out of the package, I knew it was different from other toys. The dark grey, body-safe silicone is surprisingly soft, and the smooth hump and wings offer a pleasant, nonerotic tactile surface to absentmindedly fiddle with the same way you would stroke a worry stone.
One of Enby’s selling points is that it’s the first toy to be designed with humping and grinding in mind. There are mounts for humping wand toys, and you can certainly grind into plenty of other vibrators, but they are not created specifically for that use.
The first time I lay down on the bed and the curve of the Enby fit snugly between my thighs was also the first time that using an external vibrator felt natural during solo play. I didn’t have to contort my arm to reach backward, try to ignore the toy pressing into my mons, or worry about it falling out of place. The Enby has three vibrating speeds and five patterns. It’s worth noting, especially for folks who sometimes prefer clothed sex and masturbation due to dysphoria, that the vibrations can get strong enough to feel nice through fabric.
For partner play, I found the Enby to be less consistently successful. It worked decently as a penis stroker, and my partner liked the vibrations and the ridges. However, it took more effort than I expected to keep it folded around the penis, and my hands would quickly get tired (I say this with the caveat that I have very small hands). Adjusting my grip caused lube to spread onto the curved side, making it even more difficult to hold onto. While my partner thought it felt nice, it wasn’t enough to make it worth incorporating into their solo routine.
The Enby shined most when I placed it between my partner and me during sex. Most people like clit stimulation during penetrative sex, but that’s not easy to make happen hands-free. It’s hard for many people to orgasm at all without that stimulation—but sometimes you want to squeeze your partner with both arms during sex. With the Enby, you don’t have to choose; you can have both. Just like when I tried the Enby solo for the first time, I was surprised at how natural and comfortable it felt. While vulva-on-top is a good position for clitoral stimulation in general, the Enby literally takes it to a new level with a raised surface for grinding on, rather than just your partner’s pelvis.
Fellow Daily Dot contributor Ana Valens also tried out the Enby and had similar impressions. She said that while it was gender-affirming to have a toy that’s not marketed as a “male pleasure device,” it’s not perfect. “I think the Enby is a jane-of-all-trades and a master-of-none. It tries to work with all bodies by being pleasurable for all of them, so it isn’t going to be fine-tuned for every single one,” Ana told me. “That means it feels good to use for a non-op trans woman like myself, but it’s not going to hit the sweet spot that the Hot Octopuss Pulse III or a Hitachi Magic Wand Wireless can do.”
The Enby is innovative because it’s an adaptable sex toy, and it’s optimized for grinding. It is uniquely comfortable and unobtrusive, though not without its drawbacks. It’s great for sharing with a partner, but it’s not the catch-all toy for trans sex it set out to be. If two people born with penises, one on HRT and one not, both feel it’s good but not great, it may not be as well-suited to those parts as it is to vulvas. Wild Flower says it wants the Enby to be able to stay with you through all of life’s transitions, and it can certainly do that. But the quality of experiences you and your partner(s) have may vary drastically depending on the people and genitals involved.
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