“I’m me, not him”: 17 women on why they refused to take their husband’s last name

Despite the times, the TikTok ladies are doing feminism by discussing all the reasons they kept or plan to keep their last names. In the U.S. and many other nations, women traditionally take their husbands’ last names when they marry because they were traditionally considered men’s property.

You know that wedding bit where the bride’s father literally hands her off to her groom? Yeah.

For many decades now, feminists have pushed back on this practice. They’ve encouraged women to at least consider why they should take their husband’s name instead of keeping their own. In fact, why shouldn’t the man take his wife’s last name?

Several TikTokers asked this after @lumomoneyyy posted her video on the topic.

“This is no tea no shade,” she wrote in the caption. “But for my girls who didn’t change their last name, I want to hear your reason why. I never considered it because this was my given name, I never understood why I should change it for someone else. But curious for other reasons.”

There is a practical reason for married couples to have the same last name—it cuts down on the questions when you need to prove that you’re a person’s spouse, such as in the event one of you lands in the hospital. However, you can prevent this issue by designating someone to make your medical decisions with an advance healthcare directive.

Also, again, he could take her name instead.

Every other reason sounds awfully silly, or downright offensive, to any feminist. There’s nothing inherently wrong with taking your husband’s last name if you want to, but the comments on this one video alone has thousands of reasons women kept their own, and we spotlighted some of our favorites:

1. She’s already got her Ph.D.

“I earned my doctorate with my last name and I’m the only one in my family with an advanced degree.” —@allyboying.

2. She’s not his property

“Because I got married not bought. I don’t find it necessary for a woman to change her identity once she gets married.” —@sams_tok

3. She’s not trying to lose her status

“My last name is king and his is butler—why would I demote myself?” —@shelbykingsbookthings.

4. Her husband isn’t changing his name, so…

“Because I will not absorb my identity into a man’s, especially because he would never consider changing his.” —@owindiana

5. She’d have to go to the DMV

“I avoid the social security office and DMV like the plague.” —@reagangracie

6. What’s in a name?

“Because I’m not his property and we weren’t negotiating any treaties or alliances. We’re two people in love so the last name doesn’t matter—our love for one another does.” —@jcurran666

7. She actually looks hot in her passport photo

“My passport photo was good and I didn’t want to change it until it expires.” —@allie_w_h

8. She’s not risking her chance to vote

“It will take me 273784938824 years to get an appointment at the DMV and I don’t want to miss an election where I can vote against Ted Cruz.” —@haisooebejdj

9. Her name is better than his

“I wont cause his name is too long and I like saying that I’m related to Marvin Gaye.” —@jasmine.gaye

10. Pure spite

“I’ve heard people I love say ‘it’s not even your name, it’s your dad’s’ and I get so frustrated because ??? my fiancé’s last name is just his dad’s too? WTH kind of argument is that? So now I’m keeping it out of spite.” —@surlawnchair

11. She values her cultural identity

“I’m first gen Mexican American and it was a piece of my identity I was not willing to give up. Also will be first gen college graduate so I want my family name on that degree.” —@stephychristiansito

12. COVID happened

“We got married in 2021 and so the social security office still had covid measures. They wanted me to mail in sensitive documents and I wasn’t comfortable with it.” —@sunny_ivy_01

13. It’s just weird

“It felt weird. I came into this world with my name. Why would I change it.” —@patsystone73

14. She’s honoring late family

“My fiance (male) is taking my (female) last name instead of me changing my name! He is adopted and isn’t closely attached to his last name, whereas my dad passed when I was a kid and I have always felt close to him and to my last name. He wants to honor my dad by taking his name instead!” —@ccactus5

15. Screw paperwork

“Um did you see how much f*cking paper work that was? I said to him, I don’t mind changing my name, but you’re going to have to all this paper work. SO THAT NEVER HAPPENED.” —@user4078977616946

16. Some cultures don’t do that

“I didn’t change mine because in Islam a woman is supposed to keep her last name and not erase her identity by taking someone else’s name. It also is your link to your lineage.” —@user5622723493761

17. She just loves her name

“I simply love my last name and I’ve always known I would never change it.” —@marisamas_

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