‘Relationship uglies’: Why some women feel ‘less hot’ in healthy relationships—and what they’re doing about it

In a healthy relationship, it’s easy to become comfortable with a partner who fully accepts you as you are, for better or worse.

Over time, even if both parties are happy in the relationship, you might start to feel worse—at least, about your appearance.

From the same part of the internet that brought you “boyfriend air“—the phenomenon in which a girl somehow becomes less attractive after spending time with her boyfriend—now comes “relationship uglies,” or the comfortable slide in a person’s self-perceived physical attractiveness, as described by the girlies of TikTok.

Content creator @shayleealyse is one of many women who say they are turning to supplements to course correct their fitness and wellness to pull themselves out of these “uglies,” to present the most confident version of themselves to their partner.

What are the ‘relationship uglies?’

In a video that has drawn over 222,000 views on TikTok, @shayleealyse describes exactly what she means when she says she has the relationship uglies. It’s not that she actually feels ugly, she says, but she can’t help but compare the version of herself today to a version of herself that was in a less healthy relationship.

“I have the happy relationship uglies,” the poster says off-camera. “You know how you dated that toxic guy but you looked your best because you were always full of anxiety and comparing yourself to other girls, so you always had to look your hottest? Well this is the opposite of that.”

@shayleealyse A glow up series for my stable happy relationship girlies 🫶🏼 @rhode skin @K18 Hair @Clean Skin Club @MaryRuth’s @Rare Beauty @Haus Labs by Lady Gaga #happyrelationshipweight #glowup #glowupjourney #glowupseries #couple #relationship #marriedlife #fyp #viral #trending ♬ original sound – @shayleealyse

Having a partner who supports the version of herself that is happiest can mean snacking and cuddling on the couch, or otherwise spending time in less active activities, she says, which have cause some physical changes.

“He hypes you up so much that even when you look like an absolute dirt ball, he still tells you you’re beautiful and you believe him,” @shayleealyse says of her partner. “So slowly I’ve packed on the pounds, and let myself go a little bit because I’m the most beautiful girl in the world, right? At least that’s what he says. In this series I’ll be going through all the things I’m going to be doing to get myself back to the hottest, sexiest smokeshow version of myself. Now that my mental health is at its best, it’s time that the physical matched up, and because a good guy deserves the sexiest version as well. So join me and let’s get back to toxic relationship hot, without the toxic relationship.”

The sentiment really resonated with many viewers who say they have found themselves in a happy relationship, but unhappy with how their appearance has changed because of it.

“instafollow bc i’ve been happy relationship ugly for 3 yrs now and while i love being content and safe i miss feeling pretty and put together,” one commenter wrote.

Several viewers shared that they believe it comes down to the attitudes of their loving partners, who do not find fault with their appearance or encourage them to change.

“I’m sat for this series,” a commenter wrote. “How am I supposed to go to the gym when all I hear is ‘you’re perfect just the way you are.’”

While they’re grateful for their loving partners, and don’t want that aspect of their relationships to change, some viewers shared that they are very interested in following along—and possibly trying their own wellness changes—to present a version of themselves that they are more confident in to their partners.

“My husband didn’t even get to see me at my full potential and I want him to know what he actually got as I’m currently stuffing my face with popcorn,” a commenter wrote.

What kind of supplements cure the relationship uglies?

In a follow-up video, @shayleealyse says she is taking a combination of sea moss gel, a coconut-based probiotic, multivitamin, and electrolyte in the morning to give her mornings a wellness-focused jump start.

When she gets home from work, she turns to another TikTok trend focused on wellness: the sleepy girl mocktail.

@shayleealyse Relationship Uglies Pt 2 Vitamins & Supplements @MaryRuth’s #relationshipuglies #happyrelationshipweight #glowup #glowupjourney #glowupseries #couple #relationship #fyp #trending #viral ♬ original sound – @shayleealyse

“For my night routine, I mainly started because I am working night shift, so I wanted something to help me go to sleep once I get off,” she says. “So technically, for me it’s the morning, but it’s before I go to bed. So I have been doing the sleepy girl mocktails with cranberry juice, magnesium, soda water, and mix that and it’s just a little drink before I go to bed. So I put that magnesium in there, and I also do ashwagandha, just to try and fight off the night shift sad. So that’s kind of that. That’s really it for me, that’s all I’ve been doing so far. I did my own research online, so also do what’s best for you. Find out what supplements you think you need, based off what you are feeling.

While the poster urged viewers to spend some time researching supplements to figure out what will work best for them and their needs, some viewers said they had some unpleasant reactions when they tried some of the ones she mentioned by name.

“Ashwaganda actually turned off all my emotions and allowed me to not feel happiness in my relationship,” one commenter wrote. “so be careful it’s different for everyone.”

Why do people’s appearances change when they’re in a healthy relationship?

In addition to a healthy relationship typically providing a safe and happy environment for both parties to be authentic to themselves and their preferred activity levels, being in a loving partnership also often incorporates activities that can contribute to weight gain.

Couples tend to drink more together, as well as eat out, spend less time exercising in order to spend more time together, or even change their eating habits to suit their partner’s schedules.

When it comes down to it, “relationship uglies” might just mean that the relationship is a place to foster the best version of yourself.

The Daily Dot has reached out to @shayleealyse via email regarding the video. The content creator did not immediately respond to the request for comment.

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