A viral TikTok from LA-based content creator Sofia Elizabeth (@sofiaelizabethsbackup) claims you can tell who got done dirty in a relationship just by looking at them after the breakup—and it’s not the problematic one.
Sofia discussed “the post-breakup glow up” in a TikTok video shared on April 16, 2025, where it racked up 2.8 million views and over 3000 comments. TikTokers weighed in on heterosexual relationship dynamics and attractiveness, and connected over their own break up experiences. Amid the conversation, a broader idea emerged: Like Sofia, many have observed that struggling in the wrong relationship can show up in how someone looks.
The glow comes from darkness, an ideology of hotness
Sofia Elizabeth (@sofiaelizabethsbackup) is an influencer with over 5 million followers across social platforms. She shares content about beauty, fashion, relationships, and pretty much anything that’s on her mind. Hotness seems to be a common theme in her work.
The TikToker told the Daily Dot her videos are successful because her content is relatable. Sofia said she’s a person who observes patterns and she noticed, “Any time my girl friends got out of a relationship they started to have this aura to them, like a pregnancy glow but in response to their breakup. Whether or not they were the person breaking up the relationship or the one being dumped, the results are the same.”
In her video, Sofia claimed that she can always tell “who was done dirty” in the relationship because afterward, they’re the partner who goes through what is known as “a post break up glow up.”
“Usually it’s only one person out of the couple that gets, like, really hot,” she said. According to Sofia, this is because “the glow up doesn’t just occur out of nowhere,” she says, “The glow comes from darkness.”
She went on to discuss how a partner can “suck the life out of you,” and asked TikTok to share their experiences. She theorized that in heterosexual couples, relationships can take a toll on women’s physical attractiveness, while a man’s appearance is often enhanced.
“They get the boyfriend glow, she gets the boyfriend air,” she concluded.
So basically, if you go through a breakup with a partner who gave you hell, “the universe” will reward you by making you hotter. Or, as Sofia said in her comment to the Daily Dot, “Getting hotter after a relationship is almost the way the universe balances everything you went through in the relationship.” Sounds right.
@sofiaelizabethsbackup My breakup glow up>
♬ original sound – Sofia Elizabeth
The post-breakup glow-up is ‘so real’
TikTok users responded to Sofia’s notion that there’s a correlation between physical attractiveness and relationship status, and agreed that the patterns she described in her video are real. This group centered the conversation around how their own appearance or perceived hotness, has changed post breakup.
@stefan.sk11 expanded on the theory, “One gets a glow up, the other rushes in a new relationship, that’s how you know who was the red flag.”
“HEAVY on the glow comes from darkness,” @blkkgyalperspective emphasized.
@emily_jane_ob shared, “I had such a huge glow up dropped two dress sizes and even got promoted at work it was crazy.”
“This is such a silent repost,” agreed @whpoisdirtidan.
@hangingfromthecloset said, “Idk but the way my skin cleared up??? Wtf???”
Sofia told the Daily Dot that people who get hotter after breakups can take it as a sign that they got out of a relationship that was not meant for them. “The love of your life is never going to drain you of life, that is not your soulmate—that is a vampire.”
For others experiencing painful breakups, there’s no glow-up in sight
Others disagreed that a breakup can cause a bump in hotness and shared that their post breakup self did not experience a glow up of any kind.
“Wrong,” replied @sunflwrs33ds, “I’m depressed and I look worse :( and I promise I was not the problem.”
“Been done so fucking dirty I rotted in my bed for 3 months straight I dont think your theory works,” commented @fijibly3.
“No, he glowed after break up :( and I’m here looking depressed af,” said @youendedus_.
Relationship uglies, ICYMI
Here’s a refresher: Boyfriend air, or ‘relationship uglies,’ is a phenomenon that causes a woman to feel less confident about her appearance after spending time with her boyfriend.
In response to Sofia’s post, @src1093 emphasized, “Heavy on the boyfriend air part bc wtf do they do to us?”
#boyfriendair has previously trended on TikTok, with creators discussing and demonstrating its—real or imagined—physiological and/or psychological effects. Some claim that boyfriend air happens because women’s lifestyles change as they merge schedules with a man. Changes in routine can cause them to forgo nutrition, sleep, workouts, beauty routines, and other physical maintenance habits.
People have observed that while in relationships, men become hotter—Sofia mentioned “the boyfriend glow” in her video—but women who have potentially shifted their priorities to make space for the man in their lives become… less hot.
TikTok user @roryeliza shared before and after shots—”My skin before going to my boyfriend’s,” vs “When I get home.”
Toxic relationships can take a toll on physical and emotional health
Comments in reaction to Sofia’s video pointed out that personal grooming isn’t the only thing de-prioritized while in a relationship. Some partners are toxic or high-maintenance. Without proper communication and boundaries, dynamics can develop that negatively affect the other partner’s emotional and psychological health.
In response to the video, @carlos2025x commented, “The glow up for me came because I prioritized them and their needs over my own. Once we broke I realized how EASY my life can be.”
@caitlinhebron4 said, “The glow up is primarily just from having wayyy less stress lmao.”
The post-breakup glow on Reddit
There are numerous Reddit threads dedicated to the post-breakup glow up and users confirm that exiting a difficult relationship can increase beauty.
One Reddit user commented, “Toxic partners tend to feed on your energy, which is why you tend to look worse and older and they look better and younger. Now that y’all have broken up, the access to your energy is cut off and now even if you don’t feel like it, you’re much happier and healthier!!! You’ve definitely done the right thing :).”
Even though they still miss their ex, @Over_Dragonfruit said, “I have never felt more confident and beautiful it’s so weird. My ex was so draining and I feel like I have my old self back even if I’m not as happy yet.”
Faced with painful emotions that are impossible to control, psychologists say people might seek to control other facets of their experience in order to find relief. Outer appearance is often the most easily accessible palace to start. One psychologist claimed that a post breakup change in hairstyle could be an attempt to assert authority.
But lots of things change after a breakup. Relationships take time and energy, and commitments to partners dictate large parts of daily life for many people. It makes sense that after a breakup there’s space for new routines and priorities. Suddenly, the needs of another are not the primary concern, so a newly single person has time to reflect on themselves and make choices like whether or not, or how, they want to “glow up.”
It’s not just about getting hotter
The glow up is about more than enhancing hotness, it’s about finding who you want to be as a single person and growing confidence around that. People on TikTok and Reddit confirm that confidence and self awareness are key to the glow up. Some people level up with professional or financial commitments. Others learn new hobbies, have new experiences, or prioritize health.
@nostradoc shared, “True, I become way diff person after we broke up, like even my fav food & color, style, base personality, preference & career changed.” A Reddit user commented that their confidence has come back and, “I feel so hot right now. I think people can sense our confidence.”
Although @ronodelapaz claims to have not gotten hotter, they did “buy a house.”
If you’re heartbroken, and not feeling the glow up, don’t despair. Feelings don’t last forever, and everyone on r/BreakUps is here for you. If all else fails, remember: beauty fades but the house you buy yourself won’t.
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