Nothing pairs with the Super Bowl as well as heavy snacks and hardcore livetweeting. Whether you were gushing over Beyoncé’s halftime performance, lamenting the presence of Chris Martin, or trying to divine the meaning behind a car commercial, we all had something to say.
But comedian and SB Nation producer Nicole Conlan took her livetweeting to the next level when she kicked off the game with this tweet.
https://twitter.com/NicoleConlan/status/696443087120236544
What followed was a hilarious saga of epic proportions.
We're warming up but I'm just looking at Brock Osweiler and trying to mimic what he's doing. Gotta figure out how to get out of this.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 7, 2016
Welp. Just held the playbook upside down.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 7, 2016
God. I've got an hour to get this figured out.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 7, 2016
Wait a second… am I hearing Seal outside the stadium? Is that the theme song from Smallville? What does this mean? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 7, 2016
Shit. Just walked past Cam Newton. Got dazzled by his smile.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 7, 2016
Currently bashing my head into the goal post trying to switch our bodies back.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 7, 2016
Jesus Christ, my neck hurts. Is this how Peyton feels all the time? How does he live like this?
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 7, 2016
Fuck. Someone just offered me HGH. What do I say?? I don't want to cheat, but I also don't want to break character.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 7, 2016
Conlan told the Daily Dot that the idea came to her randomly: “I literally rolled over while I was sleeping and wrote that first tweet, pretty much verbatim, in a notebook. Then I woke up and found it and was like, ‘This is dumb, but all right, I’ll commit to this.’”
And while you might assume the narrative came from a place of fandom, Conlan says that the Super Bowl isn’t exactly her jam. She explained, “I’m a medium-sized sports fan, but I prefer basketball and golf and winter sports. I hate football. I had to watch the game for my job.”
She added, “I’m from Denver, but I am not a Broncos fan. I grew up with them, and I find them very irritating.”
Conlan’s story is full of uproarious moments that will please football fans and those who were just watching for the half-time show alike.
WOW just found out I'm not allowed to stay on the field during the halftime show. This blows.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
It’s also got its share of twists and turns.
The strangest thing just happened in the locker room. I…. I don't know how to explain it.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
It was… It was as though time stopped
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
I opened my locker. The old woman was inside. I stumbled back in surprise.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
She walked past me, out the door, through the tunnel. The other players stood immobile, suspended in time. I followed her.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
I walked to the end of the tunnel. She touched my chest, nodded. I should wait. She walked on the field and transformed from an old woman…
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
…into Beyoncé.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
And true to the events of last night’s game, Conlan details winning the Super Bowl—but the thread doesn’t end there.
Wait… I was so happy about maybe winning the Super Bowl that I forgot… How do I get back to my own body? How do I be Nicole again?
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
Can I ever really be Nicole again? Knowing what I know now?
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
What if I die in this body? What happens?
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
And what was the point of all this? I still don't know why this happened.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
Maybe there is no point. Maybe there is no point to this, or to anything.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
Gotta field these post-game questions like Peyton. The challenge isn't over yet.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
Wow. You know what? I really AM grateful for all my friends and family who helped me along the way. Not just as Peyton, but as Nicole.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
And hey. If I, Nicole Conlan, can win the Super Bowl, then I can do anything. Maybe that's what Beyoncé was trying to tell me, all along.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
Wait… I just saw Beyoncé's face in the clouds… She smiled and blew me a kiss… And now she's fading away… And so am I…
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
Holy shit. I'm back. I'm back in my own body! In New York! And I learned a valuable lesson about believing in myself.
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
I wonder what Peyton Manning has been up to in my body?
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
Conlan left us with this satisfying conclusion:
Oh COME ON. pic.twitter.com/MM4nBdPV86
— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) February 8, 2016
We see what she did there.
Illustration by Max Fleishman