The definitive list of 2016’s best tweets—don’t @ us

Dipetizers—appetizers that eat like diapers. Dipe up!™ pic.twitter.com/wzz6Z7SKoy

— Neven Mrgan (@mrgan) April 16, 2016

Nicolas Winding Refn at Starbucks: A Short Story

Barista: One mocha frap for *looks at cup, sighs* "The Visionary Director of 'Drive'"

— C.J. Prince (@cj_prin) June 22, 2016

♬ clowns to the left of me
jokers to the right
HERE I AM
between the jokers and clowns ♬

— daniel chamberlain (@amfmpm) July 3, 2016

truly, digimon is the vanguard here, the subversive complementary critque; as we say "kant avec sade," we might say "pokemon avec digimon"

— michael "cohost.org/lutz" lutz (@WarrenIsDead) July 11, 2016

DEMOCRATS: Your stocks are safe with us in charge.
PEOPLE: We don't have any.
DEMOCRATS: Oh, cool, I learned about you guys in undergrad.

— The Artist Formerly Known As Richard Pictures (@doctorveritas) July 26, 2016

they're good dogs Brent

— WeRateDogs (@dog_rates) September 12, 2016

A: Your greatest weakness?
B: Interpreting semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
A: Could you give an example?
B: Yes, I could

— Gary 鯨理／경리 Illyes (so official, trust me) (@methode) August 24, 2016

10 months ago we had steve gawker, bob pepe and johnny covertly racist electorate. now we have no gawker, no pepes and a rising white suprem

— knife (@knifedog311) November 9, 2016

A Vine is a short video that requires 3 clicks to start and between 7-10 clicks to stop playing. It usually features someone screaming.

— drewtoothpaste.bsky.social (@drewtoothpaste) September 9, 2016

bröther may i have some öats pic.twitter.com/je2HIEaPpB

— dorian “hire me” scar 🧐 (@dorianscary) October 11, 2016

Regret to inform that I cannot see the Trump tweets you're referring to, as I am blocked by the fucking President of the United States.

— David Roth (@david_j_roth) November 16, 2016

Basketball is a turn based strategy game in which teams attempt to damage a hoop with long distance projectile attacks or devastating melee

— we (@kanwetwitty) November 17, 2016

'We're gonna build a fourth wall, folks, and make the Brechtians pay for it' pic.twitter.com/wVtlofz3g0

— Jeremy Noel-Tod (@jntod) November 19, 2016

These the boots that's already in ya inventory when ya start the RPG https://t.co/vuOX6P11wQ

— Gyarados Equis (@PokemonyeWest) December 9, 2016

i'm dying at this picture. the level of disrespect from the cat to lie down on your pizza is unfathomable pic.twitter.com/6yzMkMKfg6

— Robby Kalland (@RKalland) June 9, 2016

i'm sick of how millennials are always eating breakfast instead of buying houses at the income to house price ratios from 50 years ago

— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) October 15, 2016

did…did he make the sign? pic.twitter.com/XXmuHfTIoA

— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) September 22, 2016

normal @ replies: fammm 😂😂 this is so me
My @ replies: Source for your claim that "pee pee is poo poo's son"?

— we (@kanwetwitty) November 28, 2016

"I think you know why I pulled you over. What's your name, son?"
"Uhhhh…" [looks at odometer] pic.twitter.com/cfLpAbbgur

— Justin Morissette 👊🏻 (@JustinMoris) November 25, 2016

The Twitter experience perfectly encapsulated in two tweets pic.twitter.com/Sz2PxhXbUH

— Rob Manuel 🍳 (@robmanuel) November 10, 2016

Woke up pissed off about the word "ooey" again. This word is only ever attached to "gooey" and does not modify it. Fuck off "ooey"

— drewtoothpaste.bsky.social (@drewtoothpaste) November 2, 2016

i didn't know that the office halloween party had an "occupations" theme pic.twitter.com/4Nv6ZZg5FM

— leon (@leyawn) October 28, 2016

the turkey takes his mask off
it's edward snowden
obama groans, it's too late to unpardon him now

— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) November 24, 2016

in tolstoy's war and peace, the war supporters are analogous to team jacob, whilst those who support peace are more similar to team edward

— ringworm (@prawn_meat) October 5, 2016

if your genre ends in -core,
then it's guitars you'll have in store
but if -wave is the at the end
you'll hear synths, my friend

— ۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗۗSwinby (verıfied) (@dudeswinburne) June 19, 2016

I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
A gator eats a baby
And you go in on his dad pic.twitter.com/EVOj8zx5ft

— John E. Cakes (@mattytalks) June 16, 2016

That's exactly right, Siri. I DID want to know how much a gallon of the movie "Milk" costs. pic.twitter.com/EZZdeIihbO

— Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson) May 22, 2016

"la de dah i sing on broadway and i'm gonna stay on me dollar" keep talkin. you ol hair-gelled-winklevoss lookin ass pic.twitter.com/yAxasngrOG

— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) April 23, 2016

his palms are sweaty
knees weak
arms are heavy
there's pic.twitter.com/wTjpK19Kub

— dan mentos (@DanMentos) March 24, 2016

if you watch twitter backwards, it's about a bunch of sad people tweeting less and less until they're happy again

— nevona (@nevona) March 4, 2016