- How to stream the 49ers vs. Broncos on (preseason) Monday Night Football 3 Years Ago
- Trump thinks Google made 16 million people vote for Clinton 3 Years Ago
- Danny McBride’s ‘The Righteous Gemstones’ is a wicked televangelist comedy 3 Years Ago
- Facebook-branded coffee shops are coming to the UK Today 12:36 PM
- Twitter hosts China-backed ads maligning Hong Kong protesters Today 12:27 PM
- Jason Momoa says the ‘Justice League’ Snyder cut is ‘ssssiiicccckkkkkk’ Today 12:06 PM
- Kevin Smith announces a He-Man reboot for Netflix Today 11:51 AM
- Kellyanne Conway brushes off recession fears, calls it ‘Sesame Street word of the day’ Today 11:05 AM
- Conservatives are livid the New York Times is writing articles about slavery Today 10:52 AM
- Iceland holds funeral for first glacier to melt Today 10:44 AM
- Nonprofit fanfiction database Archive of Our Own wins a Hugo Today 9:59 AM
- Dan Carlin’s ‘War Remains’ is a stunning VR pop-up Today 9:27 AM
- Your wireless data is probably being throttled, study finds Today 9:25 AM
- Mike Judge’s dystopian comedy ‘Idiocracy’ is now streaming on Netflix Today 8:00 AM
- The 2020 Democratic presidential candidates as La Croix flavors Today 7:00 AM
As the Washington Post, BuzzFeed, and many other media outlets have exhaustively reported, Facebook‘s 240,000-strong garlic bread memes community has been torn asunder by—no surprise here—a controversial garlic bread meme. And here it is:
We could get into how this meme is adapted from conservative arguments against LGBT rights (as the Post noted), or how one of the page admins professes to believe that gender is a binary (as BuzzFeed discovered), or how the garlic bread memes group is laughing their asses off as the media struggles to explain its drama.
I’ll be honest, though: I don’t give a shit what these edgy 15-year-olds think garlic bread can or can’t tell us about the fluidity of human experience. Garlic bread may be delicious, but garlic bread memes have always been garbage, and their reactionary turn has only shed light on this ugly fact.
I submit that instead of dissecting or fighting about garlic bread memes, we should be celebrating their sworn enemy: banana bread memes.
Make no mistake: Banana bread is fucking disgusting. It’s exactly as gross as garlic bread is addictive. I can barely stand to imagine a warm loaf of banana bread stinking up my oven. But because I am a mature adult, I can separate the bread from the meme. And banana bread memes are dank.
The power of banana bread memes is so great that I can relate to them despite hating banana bread. Garlic bread memes just piggybacked on a popular and savory carb-delivery system in order to amass a legion of unwittingly transphobic weenies. Banana bread memes would never do that. They can’t do that. Because, again, banana bread is gross.
So don’t give garlic bread memes the attention and influence they crave. You don’t owe them that. There is a better world out there—a world of memes that doesn’t judge and doesn’t discriminate. A world, yes, of banana bread memes. The choice is yours, my friends. It’s time to taste justice.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'