Being a bartender can be lucrative and fun. It can also be extremely annoying.
Each day, you serve dozens of people, many of whom ask questions that can leave you wondering if they’ve ever been out in public.
A Wisconsin bartender has collected a hilarious list of possible responses to those questions that could save you from getting that stony stare from the staff at your local watering hole or restaurant.
Content creator Matthew Rangel (@therealmattyr) has also inspired some of his fellow drink slingers to share their pet peeves with the public.
His post has been watched over 280,000 times as of this writing.
Your bartender will roll their eyes if you ask….
Bartenders understand that going out is exciting. And excited people sometimes don’t have a lot of common sense. Bartenders are also well versed in how alcohol can affect communication skills.
Still, as Rangel points out in a post with the text overlay “honest bartender,” there are questions and orders that test the bounds of any drink slinger’s patience.
For example, why would you ask if there’s a bathroom? To this, Rangel quips to an imaginary customer, “Have you ever been to a bar that didn’t have a bathroom?”
Or asking if the bar serves beer. “Yes, I have beer,” Rangel says sardonically.
Another retort Rangel shares is for customers who seemingly aren’t familiar with standard bartending procedures. “Yes I need a card to start a tab because I don’t [expletive] know you,” he says.
He also has choice words for people who order drinks they’re guaranteed to dislike. “If you don’t like Coca-Cola or whiskey, why did you order a Jack and coke?” Another response to this type of imaginary (but very real) customer: “No, I’m not giving you a refund because you’re stupid.”
Rangel also jokes about skipping songs customers play and makes fun of people who fumble the bag trying to pay their tab.
“Blue Chase is not a name, I need a name for the tab,” he says. “…The name that’s on the card, give me that.”
Will this really affect your service?
The 2005 comedy Waiting delved into the trials and tribulations of working in food and beverage service. Some scenes showed waitstaff getting back at rude and annoying customers.
While some tactics may shock the uninitiated, veterans of the industry know the desire to mess with people’s orders or otherwise exact revenge.
Do they occasionally give in to the temptation to simply ignore the person who snapped their fingers to demand service? Sure.
Have most servers and bartenders witnessed something disgusting being done to a rude customer’s order? Or intentionally given poor service to that one person who never tips? Probably.
Even if you’re pleasant, patient, and understanding, there’s no guarantee that you won’t fall victim to disgruntled server or bartender.
Still, by thinking before you speak and being considerate of the demands of the job, you will have less cause to wonder if there’s spit on your sandwich.
Or you could yell at your server or snap your fingers at them, then spend the whole night wondering what was really in that drink.
Bartenders share more ways you can annoy them
Rangel’s post inspired other bartenders to reveal some things customers do to irritate.
One mocked the quintessential order changer. “Three lemon drops please—four lemon drops please—seven lemon drops please!”
Another shared this nightmare experience. “One time someone played ‘Free Bird’ 8 times in a row. I unplugged the jukebox.”
Then there’s people who seemingly don’t have eyes in their head. Someone with bartending experience joked, “*points to the taps* ‘is that all the draft beer you have or do you have more?’ do you SEE more taps?”
Most of the time, this kind of thing will simply roll off a bartender’s back. But once in a while, it’ll be the last straw that gets you a biting comeback like the ones Rangel collected for his post. The choice is yours.
@therealmattyr #therealmattyr #serviceindustry #wi #wisco #Wisconsin #wiscobartender #bar #restaurant #Bartender #Bartok #bartendertok ♬ original sound – Matthew Rangel
Rangel didn’t immediately respond to a direct message sent via TikTok.
Internet culture is chaotic—but we’ll break it down for you in one daily email. Sign up for the Daily Dot’s web_crawlr newsletter here. You’ll get the best (and worst) of the internet straight into your inbox.
