Uber driver tells epic Twitter tale about picking up her boyfriend’s mistress

Every since the Zola strip-trip-gone-bad story went viral a few years ago, Twitter has been hungry for new long tales of sex, betrayal, and more sex. We’ve heard stories of women trapped in a closets, dogs jumping in cars with people having sex, and now we have an Uber driver who drove a woman to her boyfriend’s house for sex or, as she calls it, “a dick appointment.”

https://twitter.com/Msixelaa/status/846450311342538754

It’s a clever literary trick to start with the end of the story. Much like the first scene in Breaking Bad, we just have to know what the fuck is going on.

Breaking Bad GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Well, she spares no detail, letting us all in on exactly how badly her day went. Harken now dear readers to a tale the Internet has come to know as #Uberbae.

https://twitter.com/Msixelaa/status/846488321312337920?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bet.com%2Fnews%2Fnational%2F2017%2F03%2F29%2F-uberbae-thread-has-everyone-dying.html

https://twitter.com/Msixelaa/status/846490805141409792?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bet.com%2Fnews%2Fnational%2F2017%2F03%2F29%2F-uberbae-thread-has-everyone-dying.html

https://twitter.com/Msixelaa/status/846490960792109057?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bet.com%2Fnews%2Fnational%2F2017%2F03%2F29%2F-uberbae-thread-has-everyone-dying.html

Well, if nothing else, she got some free clothes and, assuming the dude has a “type,” they might even fit.

Twitter, of course, fell in love with the story.

https://twitter.com/ahhhyoufunny/status/847137438136979456

https://twitter.com/KingKayThe1st/status/846471246405611521

UberBae, whose real name is Bree, told Complex the luggage has been returned, and so far no one is going to jail.

“It’s just a complaint file, basically. If something else happens, the police officer let me know that it would be civil. She would have to press charges and go to court. But she can’t press charges against me! She charged at me first. That apartment complex has, like, heavy cameras to see that.”

https://twitter.com/Msixelaa/status/846499590216040449

H/T BET

David Britton

David Britton

David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.