From Miracle on 34th Street to Rankin-Bass television specials, people have been using the magic of the motion picture to bring Christmas to life. Thanks to YouTube, thousands of heartwarming Christmas videos can help spread the holiday cheer each December.
The following YouTube videos, however, are an exception.
We at the Daily Dot scoured YouTube for some of the weirdest, most WTF holiday-themed videos ever produced. From home movies of creepy Santa Claus decorations to caroling cats, what we present to you barely scratches the surface of what is out there. This year, forgo the repeated airings of A Christmas Story and celebrate the holiday with…
1) meowychristmas, “Jingle Cats waltz-of-the-flowers”
“Jingle Cats,” developed by music producer Mike Spalla, is a video series featuring meows, howls, and other sounds from the Internet’s favorite animal edited together to create popular holiday music. It kicked off in 1991 when a cat named “Cheesepuff” wandered into a Los Angeles recording studio and began meowing along with a taping of “Jingle Bells.”
Almost all of the “Jingle Cats” videos out there are off-putting, even to hardcore cat-lovers. “Waltz of the Flowers,” however, is truly terrifying. The camera’s slow and steady pans through a garden of unblinking cat faces will ruin all future viewings of The Nutcracker for you.
2) easyexplainvideo, “The Santa Claus cartoon—secret facts about the childhood of Santa Claus”
St. Nicholas may be the widely accepted origin of Santa Claus, but the folks at Easy Explain Video use their creation “The Santa Claus cartoon—secret facts about the childhood of Santa Claus” to address the issue that arises every holiday season. Of course, that issue is “what’s with all the socks?”
In just a minute and a half, viewers of the video discover that Santa Claus, drawn to evoke the vision of an “ex-con mall Sana,” has a dirty secret. His father’s sock factory (yes, Mr. Claus Sr. owned and operated a sock factory) produced an overabundance of the footwear. The constant exposure to socks caused his son to go a bit crazy and deliver socks each year.
There is one way to rid Christmas of socks forever: Share the video with as many people as possible, of course.
3) yolandafundora, “Jumping Jacks perform for you their favorite song”
The sole video uploaded by YouTube user yolandafundora, “Jumping Jacks perform for you their favorite song” features footage of a wooden Santa and—why not?—clown figurines doing jumping jacks as the theme song from 1992’s The Crying Game plays in the background.
That movie’s famous scene, in which Jaye Davidson’s character is revealed to be a post-op transwoman, certainly invoked a multitude of reactions from audiences. It’s a safe bet that these reactions did not include jumping jacks.
If they did, let’s hope they found a clown to join in.
4) pyrohentaiman, “Nutcracker Christmas Rave”
Bored YouTube user pyrohentaiman decided to pass the time waiting for his family’s Thanksgiving dinner to cook by hosting a rave. But his attendees were not ecstasy-enhanced partiers swinging illuminated bracelets.
Instead, they were nutcrackers.
Using the old standby effect of stop-motion animation, pyrohentaiman’s Nutcracker collection dances under flashing, colorful lights as images of turkey and other Thanksgiving staples are interspersed.
5) Chris Cobb, “Star Trek Christmas”
Christmas may have made it into the future, but halfway-decent costumes and acting skills did not.
If YouTube user Chris Cobb’s video is to be believed, Christmas will actually be stolen on Stardate 12.24.06. With the rest of the universe unable to do anything to remedy the situation, the fate of the holiday will rest with Captain Phillips and his crew of officers.
This Enterprise crew, who seemingly attended Starfleet Community College as opposed to Starfleet Academy, assemble on their bridge, played by a green-screened set (this is not at all obvious, unless you have eyes). Donning costumes straight from the United Federation of Dollar Stores, the crew receives orders to intercept the theft of Christmas from (footage of) the Grinch. Along the way, they will stumble through forced jokes, such as a Starfleet officer telling them “May the force be with you.”
We can only hope that the continuing voyages of Captain Phillips and his crew become the next generation of the Star Trek New Voyages fanfic series.
6) campbloodbuzz, “Campblood.org’s Holiday Yule Log”
In 1966, New York City television station WPIX-TV produced “Yule Log,” an hours-long video of logs burning. The footage was meant to be played in the background of holiday celebrations in the households of families who did not have fireplaces but did possess television sets; its idea was to replicate a fireplace’s warmth. You know, without the actual “warmth” aspect.
The folks at campblood.org, a horror fan site, decided to make 2010 the year in which the Yule Log was substantially improved—with Gremlins.
In the 1984 movie Gremlins, one of the titular creatures hides in a Christmas tree. When it attacks Lynn Peltzer (Frances Lee McCain), Billy Peltzer (Zach Galligan) beheads it with a sword. Landing in the fireplace, the head screeches as it is consumed by the flames.
“Campblood.org’s Holiday Yule Log” is a 75-second-long loop of this scene, interspersed with screengrabs of the movie and set to an instrumental version of “Jingle Bells.”
As you and your family open presents underneath the tree this year, perhaps replace your own fireplace with the sights and sounds of a disembodied Gremlin head being burned alive.
7) Scott Baty, “WTF Christmas Lights Ditto”
This video is quite literally “WTF.”
During the holidays, exterior home decoration can range from “none” to “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” Similarly, the reactions of people viewing your various light strands, illuminated figures, and inflatables can range from “meh” to “ZOMG WTF is that?!”
A residence near YouTube user Scott Baty’s home decided to react to its next-door neighbor’s display with its own set of decorations.
8) ITNExtreme, “Famous faces pooping at Nativity”
This holiday season, make sure every figurine in your Nativity scene is accounted for: the happy Baby Jesus, the awestruck Virgin Mary, and the pooping Kate Middleton.
“Famous faces pooping at Nativity” was produced and uploaded by This Is Genius, a website dedicated to telling the world’s oddest stories. In this video, viewers visit Barcelona, Spain, and explore the inclusion of caganers, or figurines literally taking a dump, in the city’s Nativity display. In addition to faceless guests, certain caganers are modeled after famous people, including members of the Royal Family, President Obama, and even Pope Benedict XVI.
Inviting time-traveling celebrities to crudely fertilize the soil is the best way Mary and Joseph could exact revenge on that stubborn innkeeper who stuck them in a stable.
9) crazytapes, “Skelo-Claus”
In 1993, Tim Burton successfully mixed Halloween and Christmas together with the blockbuster film The Nightmare Before Christmas.
In 2006, YouTube user crazytapes uploaded his attempt at the holiday combination. Resulting from the experiment is a truly frightening spectacle that has been viewed over 350,000 times.
Attaching an animatronic talking skull to the body of a motorized Santa Claus figurine (no, we do not know why Santa was headless to begin with), “Skelo-Claus” entertains his audience with a baritone rendition of “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”
10) 508ma, “Santa chicken Dance”
It’s the same thing every holiday season: You’re in the pet store, looking for Fido’s stocking-stuffer and hoping that the cats don’t burst into a sudden rendition of “Waltz of the Flowers.” Suddenly, you turn down an aisle and there is Santa Claus himself doing the chicken dance—sort of.
Uploaded by YouTube user 508ma, the video’s description reads, “Santa dose the chicken dance for a cause at the pet shop.” The “cause” is not explicitly stated, shown, or possibly even existent. From the way this particular St. Nick carries himself, he and Mrs. Claus do not get invited to a lot of weddings, as his interpretation of the “Chicken Dance” only includes bits and pieces of the actual movements.”
Maybe this year we will see a “Gangnam Style” Santa Claus.
11) NotoriousHEB, “Home Alone Deleted Scene: Marv and Harry’s Christmas Carol”
When it was released in 1990, Home Alone became not only a popular holiday staple, but also one of the biggest movies of all time. Even today, more than 20 years later, its lines (“I don’t think so”) and scenes (battling burglars with paint cans) retain their notoriety.
A deleted scene from the movie features burglars Marv (Daniel Stern) and Harry (Joe Pesci) discussing their plans of robbing the posh suburban neighborhood in which the movie is set—by making up lyrics to “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town.” Pesci is especially energetic about the improvised carol.
Exactly why director John Hughes didn’t want to initially treat the world to the musical stylings of the Goodfellas actor and Fred Savage’s interior monologue from The Wonder Years is beyond comprehension.
12) Justin Bishop, “Wilford Brimley reads ‘The Night Before Christmas’”
Trib.com, “Wyoming’s Online News Source” apparently felt that there would be no one better to read the classic Christmas poem “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” than veteran character actor Wilford Brimley, who has been playing “grandfatherly” characters since the late 1800s. In this video, Brimley, whose red shirt and overalls look less like “Heartland of America farmer” and more like “Super Mario,” reads the story from—what else?—a pop-up book.
The enthusiasm Brimley exhibited when trying to sell TV audiences Quaker Oats or Liberty Medical Supplies is noticeably absent in his recitation. Instead, his delivery is equivalent to that of an elementary school student forced to read textbook passages aloud in class. Viewers get the impression that he is being exposed to the story—and perhaps even the English language—for the first time ever. He also provides viewers with an aspect that other storytellers lack: a nice phlegm-filled cough about 40 seconds in.
Maybe you should stick to rapping, Wil.
Photo via meowychristmas/YouTube