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Everything that’s wrong with celebrity YouTube channels in 1 video
Featuring jewels like this: “Don’t you ever call me Cayman. Don’t you ever call me Jabar. Like I said before, you will get devoured.”
Just because Shaq’s got a camera doesn’t mean he should be on TV.
But sometimes Shaq decides to take over, and he releases some clip in which he’s calling out Michael Strahan for “talking garbage over there in New York.”
Those segments are pretty bad—like worse than anything Big Daddy Shaq did when he played for the Cavs.
At one point, Diesel sits in the back of a limo and freestyles with a 55-year-old rapper he just signed to his label. (“Comin’ to the stage right now: A. Samuels from the Brick City. And oh yeah, he’s white. And oh yeah, he’s 55.”)
Monday night, Shaq dipped to an all-time low, posting a minute-long video called “Shaq Smashes Dwight Howard in Vicious Rap.”
It’s an unedited, unfiltered nightclub freestyle that has the hoops legend rapping nonsensical lines that all end with a word that rhymes with “coward.”
“Mess around with these, you get devoured. We’re sending your mama the limo and the flowers. What I look like? I ain’t got no car. Don’t you ever call me Cayman. Don’t you ever call me Jabar. Like I said before, you will get devoured.”
At the end of it, he raps “Don’t you ever call me ‘Dwight Howard.'”
Holy moly, ya hear that? Somebody get RZA on the phone quick!
Anyway, Shaq, this isn’t whatsoever cool. We’re all about transparency, but put it on a personal channel or something. You’ve got writers to handle your business here. You hired them for a reason. Let them work.
And remember: no one’s calling you Dwight Howard. You’re now into your eighth year running beef against a guy who did nothing to you but take your nickname and show you how to keep the weight off.
Lighten up. Let go of the beef. And go fix yourself a drink or something. You are in a night club, remember?
Photo via Shaquille O’Neal/Facebook
Chase Hoffberger reported on YouTube, web culture, and crime for the Daily Dot until 2013, when he joined the Austin Chronicle. Until late 2018, he served as that paper’s news editor and reported on criminal justice and politics.