The 7 craziest moments from the ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ porno parody

This article contains mature content. 

Guardians of the Galaxy may have grossed over three quarters of a billion dollars at the box office, but in this century no film franchise can count itself as successful till its been given the porn parody treatment. Thankfully, WoodRocket.com has come in to save the day. 

On Friday, the site known for producing some of the funniest porn parodies on the pleasure market premiered the first part of the long-awaited Guardians of the Galaxy. Inspired by the wildly successful Marvel movie, this film finds Star Load, Gamwhora, Crax, Rocket Raccooch, and Groin trying to protect the universe from “evil-doer, Bonin, and her lust for the power of the Infinity Bone.”

Sadly  James Gunn, the GOTG director known for creating a few porn parodies in his day, was absent from the project. In his stead, Game of Bones director Lee Roy Myers stepped in to produce a wild and shockingly witty parody “filled with action, adventure, green vaginas, and some of the strangest super sexual space creatures.”

With a description like that, who wouldn’t be intrigued? Here at the Daily Dot our curiosity got the best of us and we decided to screen all 45 minutes of the spoof. We’ve excerpted the wildest moments for your viewing pleasure. 

1) This bizarre version of the Elaine dance 

Only moments after stealing the highly prized Infinity Bone, Star Load runs into one of Bonin’s minions and has a comical exchange as she attempts to figure out his name. Following an inexplicable mention of Julia Louis-Dryfus she gives her best rendition of the Elaine dance from Seinfeld.

2) This Bill Cosby joke 

As Gamwhora is being booked into prison the guards are inspecting her priors. “She’s wanted on over two dozen counts of sexual rampage,” one guard utters. “Sounds like Bill Cos…” the other replies before being abruptly interrupted. 

3) Rocket’s incessant leg humping

Say goodbye to Rocket Raccoon. In this porn parody she’s been replaced with the rather feisty Rocket Raccooch, who spends majority of the film humping the legs of other characters.  

4) Star Load pulling out a prosthetic penis 

In the film, Rocket asked Peter Quill to retrieve a prosthetic leg to help the group escape from behind bars. But in the porn parody, Rocket gets Pecker Quill to grab a prosthetic penis before they make their big break. 

5) Groin spouting a protective cum shell

When it looks like it’s the end for the motley crew of space outlaws, Groin selflessly gives his own life to protect the others. Instead of sprouting a protective branch encasing, the universe’s largest living dildo spurts a cum shell. Classy!

6) Baby Groin 

When Groot dies in the film, he’s lovingly reborn as an adorable sapling that the Internet couldn’t get enough of. In this porn parody, Groin gets a slightly smuttier second life, not as a tiny tree, but as a rather girthy wooden vibrator. 

7) Genital grabbing 

How do you destroy the savage Bonin and keep the Infinity Bone out of her reach? It’s simple really, just have the group grab the crotch of Gamwhora and voila! Bonin destroyed and the galaxy safe once again. 

Screengrab via WoodRocket/YouTube

Greg Seals

Greg Seals

Greg Seals is a former social media producer and contributing writer for the Daily Dot. He specializes in creating and covering viral content on platforms that include Tumblr, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter.