satanic cher

Paint it black (and white).

If you spend enough time in record stores, you start seeing the same albums in the crates: Grand Funk Railroad, Barbara Streisand, Herb Alpert, Bing Crosby, and that Al Jarreau LP my mom inexplicably gave me on my 22nd birthday.

Such forgotten relics from another era—scuffed and tattered and left for the taking at some garage sale decades ago—are usually only good for collecting dust or hipster crafts (coasters, bowls, etc.).

Then there’s Bargain Bin Blasphemy, the best new Tumblr I’ve come across since Bun B’s Rap Coloring Book or Helpful Kitchen Danzig.

With just a little bit of corpse paint, the anonymous artist makes Amy Grant look like King Diamond, a black metal beacon with a church ablaze in the background. It’s simple, shocking, and very effective, branded with pentagrams and upside-down crosses.

Greatest hits thus far include Santa’s Black Christmas, Sade’s Ravishing Mellowness, and the Judds’ Judd, Jury, and Executioner. It’s a shame the records themselves aren’t half as interesting.

If you act fast, you could be the proud owner of one of these gems. To commemorate hitting 1,000 followers on Tumblr, the artist placed four of the LPs on eBay in a three-day auction that ends later today, and left this fitting epitaph for the holidays:

“Drink the nog, awaken the dark one.”

All photos via Bargain Bin Blasphemy

Great housekeeping with Glenn Danzig
Vegan Black Metal Chef has nothing on Helpful Kitchen Danzig. 
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