Arian Foster might be a running back, but don’t assume he’s limited to the football field. The former Houston Texan claimed he could beat a wolf in a one-on-one fight during a tweetstorm Sunday afternoon, and then calmly laid out his case while fans replied with things like “huh??” and “with a gun yea.”
It all started out with a normal dad tweet. Foster wants to take a camping trip, but he has a concern:
wanna go camping but “wildlife” scares the shit outta me.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
A minute later, though, he started thinking about wolves:
i honestly think i can get a wolf 1 on 1 tho.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
From there, all bets were off. The retired NFL player spent the next couple hours in a back-and-forth with fans, laying out his case.
i’ve studied the wolf. he can’t read. i know his weaknesses. plus the thumb thing.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
if he bites me his main weapon is immobilized. then becomes vulnerable. this is why thumbs are so important.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
thumbs means i can grab him .he can’t grab me. all he has is a mouth. grab his neck he can’t bite. https://t.co/5s61cihKVb
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Foster thinks his advantages would be his thumbs, his Pro Bowl experience, and his knowledge of biology, though he does admit that biting is a concern. Can a wolf bite your neck without knowing where all of your major arteries are? Sure. But he’s never read a diagram of the circulatory system, and no one can take that from you.
also hasn’t been to 4 probowls, overcome those injuries and DOESNT HAVE THUMBS. advg: me, fucker. https://t.co/337xEc8k05
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
bro you think a wolf knows where my artery is? all the sudden i’m fighting a wolf that knows biology? https://t.co/0rKRorDSaw
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Part of Foster’s optimism seems to stem from how wolves are portrayed in the media. Fairy tales and fables turn these guys into villains, but do you know a wolf personally? Maybe they’re cooler irl.
i think we think of wolves as these vicious aggressors become of stories thru the years.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
like look at this thing man. y’all gassed wolves via fables and fairytales. https://t.co/d4DTGBjmsX
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
y’all will never kill a wolf with this kind of attitude. he’s already defeated you off of reputation. not me. fuck him.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
The chances of Arian Foster ever needing to fight a wolf in open-hand combat are… unlikely, to say the least. But it’s good to know that if it comes up, he has his thoughts collected.
H/T Deadspin
