If you take a casual glance at most news sources or the presidential debate televised last week, you’d probably think there are only two candidates in the running for president of the United Stages: Democratic incumbent Barack Obama and Republican challenger Mitt Romney. If you listen to NPR, you may also have caught last weekend’s debate between third-party candidates Gary Johnson of the Libertarian Party and the Green Party’s Jill Stein.
Luckily, we live in the age of the Internet, where anyone has the capability to reach an audience of millions. Voters dissatisfied with the limited options available in this year’s presidential race can look no further than Facebook to find a variety of candidates suitable for support.
1) Roseanne Barr
Barr is best known as an occasionally raunchy comedian, so it’s easy to think hers is merely a joke campaign. But her website and Facebook page displays respectable-looking photos of Barr and running mate Cindy Sheehan, alongside serious statements discussing sundry serious issues and urging voters to choose the Peace and Freedom Party this November.
Photo via Rosanne for President 2012
2) Satchel the Bull Terrier
This too is easy to dismiss as a joke campaign, as Satchel is literally a dog of a candidate, but Mitt Romney’s campaign staff takes it seriously enough to have made a concerted effort to win the votes of Satchel’s supporters, according to Satchel’s Oct.3 Facebook announcement:
“As a side note: Victory! Mitts parasitic ad is now OFF my campaign video! Thank you supporters—YOU made this happen!”
Photo via Satchel 2012/Facebook
3) General Zod
Conventional wisdom says military success can be parlayed into a successful bid for the presidency. (It certainly did for Eisenhower and George Washington.) This works to Zod’s advantage. In 2008 he ran a strong campaign, with a professional-looking website and everything. But this year, he has only a half-assed Facebook page that doesn’t even have any posts on it.
What happened? Zod did not comment, but here’s one possibility: Perhaps the Birther movement of the past few years made Zod realize that he, being the only actual, honest-to-Zod illegal alien in the presidential race, stood no chance of winning at all.
Photo via Zod 2008
4) Godzilla
Campaign motto: “Sick of the political parties destroying this country? Vote for the candidate who knows how to do it!” Close to three thousand likes on Facebook suggest Godzilla’s a popular choice with Sarcasto-Americans and sincere single-issue voters who believe “America’s crumbling infrastructure” is a primary presidential responsibility.
5) Nobody
Which candidate will keep his campaign promises? Nobody! So sayeth the Birthday Party, which is urging American voters to pick Nobody for President in 2012.
Many Americans agree Nobody is a particularly good candidate this year. Others look at their 2012 presidential choices and say None of the Above is the best one, though Nevada is the only state whose voters will find “None of the above” listed as an actual ballot option this November (at least for state-level races).
Photo via Godzilla for President 2012