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Behold, the worst parallel parker of all time
If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. And again. And again.
Remember that moment in Arrested Development when Lucille Bluth is featured on a Fox show called World’s Worst Drivers because she parks perpendicular to the sidewalk? Yeah, even that maneuver is likely beyond this sorry Portland driver, who maybe shouldn’t be on the road at all.
Despite her desired space being big enough to “land a jumbo fucking jet,” as they say in Snatch, the poor woman just can’t make geometry work in her favor. Hilarious—yet undeniably heartbreaking.
Practice could help prevent another public humiliation, but let’s be realistic: It’s time to buy a bike.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'