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Dude sabotages Wi-Fi so wife will get off the phone and have sex
Why talk to your significant other when you can disrupt their Internet connection?
It’s night time, the right time, and you’re thinking you’d really like to cap the day off with some marital intercourse. Except your wife is lying in bed scrolling through Facebook. What a bitch!
It’s decision time, my man. Do you:
Try to seduce her?
Talk to her like an equal and a partner and say that her phone usage has been affecting your sex life?
Fuck with the Wi-Fi so that Facebook stops working, thereby making her give up on social media and decide that having sex with you is less boring than sleep?
If you chose (3), congrats, you have the logic of a Redditor!
User jazz_man posted that they “have the router’s setup page as a quick launch icon on my phone”—a statement accompanied by the image below. Further proof that nobody knows how memes work anymore.
Plenty of Redditors chimed in with sympathy, advice, and similar stories of their wives wanting to do literally anything else besides have sex with them. (Including just using their mobile data to continue surfing the Web.)
And plenty of others were like, “Bro, you lead a sad existence in this indifferent universe.”
Marriage is hard, people’s libidos change over time, and keeping things fresh and interesting in the bedroom over the course of years is not something anyone understands innately.
Just kidding! Everyone else’s spouse wants to hit the bone zone constantly—sucks for you, jazz_man!
Illustration via Max Fleishman
Jaya Saxena is a lifestyle writer and editor whose work focuses primarily on women's issues and web culture. Her writing has appeared in GQ, ELLE, the Toast, the New Yorker, Tthe Hairpin, BuzzFeed, Racked, Eater, Catapult, and others. She is the co-author of 'Dad Magazine,' the author of 'The Book Of Lost Recipes,' and the co-author of 'Basic Witches.'