Second only perhaps to the scourge of jellybeans, the marshmallow Peep is Easter’s most revolting candy. The company that makes them (and a host of other vile confections) will one day be brought to account for their crimes against humanity, but until then, each spring, Peeps flock into our lives, promising nothing but sticky fingers and stomach aches.
7 ways to get rid of those disgusting marshmallow Peeps
Warning: Do not ingest.
Americans allegedly consume 1.5 billion of these spongy sugar wads every Easter, but we know that’s not true. We may buy that many, but a solid billion go directly into the trash, where they belong. Which seems wasteful, doesn’t it? Maybe we can come up with some better ideas…
1) Test your high-caliber ammunition
I mean hey, gotta shoot at something.
2) Make a religious diorama
Look, you could do a secular Peeps diorama—and by all means, enter a contest—but this weekend is a great opportunity to dig into scripture.
3) Have them joust in the microwave
In the game of Peeps, you explode, then you die.
4) Use as bookends, wine stoppers, or pedicure spacers
The Martha Stewart approach.
5) Draw them like one of your French chicks
6) Stuff them into a vacuum chamber
Oh, the Peepmanity!
7) Just feed them to your horse
He doesn’t know any better.
Photo via Teresa Boardman/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)