- Woman pens open letter about getting baby product ads after her son was stillborn Wednesday 6:09 PM
- Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ is now the most-streamed song from the 20th century Wednesday 5:16 PM
- Russian TV praises robot that is really a dude in a costume Wednesday 4:28 PM
- This YouTuber put semi-permanent freckles on her face—and it was a catastrophe Wednesday 3:57 PM
- 2020 campaign job postings online fuel speculation frenzy Wednesday 1:48 PM
- Here’s everything to look forward to from Netflix in 2019 Wednesday 1:43 PM
- Sean Hannity busted deleting his old Michael Cohen tweets Wednesday 12:34 PM
- Michael Cohen calls working for Trump ‘mental incarceration’ during sentencing Wednesday 12:13 PM
- Germany just experienced an enormous chocolate spill—and it looks absolutely delicious Wednesday 10:58 AM
- A professor asked his students to go viral, and it actually worked Wednesday 10:38 AM
- Family says racist bullying led to 9-year-old’s suicide Wednesday 9:57 AM
- How ‘Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse’ found its eye-popping animation Wednesday 9:15 AM
- Netflix gives Selena Quintanilla the series our queen deserves Wednesday 8:51 AM
- Pence gets meme’d for zen-like looks during Trump’s White House showdown Wednesday 8:50 AM
- Marvel is rebooting the Fantastic Four—with a major twist Wednesday 8:11 AM
This is blasphemy.
On Wednesday, something so awfully disgusting happened that it shook a nation to its core: Somebody suggested serving guacamole and watermelon together, using the larger fruit as a bowl.
If you need a moment to process that, I fully understand. Something so abhorrent warrants pause. ABC7 News posted the story, originally featured on “Entertainment, News, and Lifestyle for Moms” website Babble.
The recipe for disaster was originally published two months ago and touted as the “perfect summer snack,” but ABC7 presumably felt it needed to celebrate National Watermelon Day with something that would turn heads. And it most definitely did: People turned their heads and wretched. As in, they turned to Twitter to share their feelings of extreme revulsion.
Guac and watermelon are two of my favorite substances on earth. Separately.
— Randor Clegane (@RandallPnkFloyd) August 3, 2016
Wondering if this was ever a thing, I did some research. Google had some results, but nothing that makes me trust this devious idea. Chef Rick Bayless has a recipe for watermelon-ginger guacamole, which is all other kinds of fucked up. White people just love ruining food.
I also texted my Mexican mother. She had this to say:
Screengrab via author
Just further evidence that watermelon guacamole is not a thing and should be ridiculed at all opportunities.
Last year, the sanctity of guacamole faced similar violence when the New York Times suggested putting peas in the dip. Even President Obama chimed on this very hot issue. People of course remembered this moment in guacamole history and decreed sentiments similar to those that swirled around Peagate.
things they want you to put in guac:
blood of your enemies
maybe some blueberries
two sticks of dynamite
— Michele (@inthefade) August 3, 2016
Much like Trump has upended our beliefs that Bush as the worst possible presidential option, watermelon in guac makes peas seem not so bad.
— Bored Hag (@PowerfulUggo) August 3, 2016
First y’all wanna put peas in the guac, now watermelon? This is what’s wrong with America.
— キャロル (@Carol_Caakees) August 3, 2016
If you want high voter turnout in Nov just tell America politicians are trying to put peas and watermelon in all guac and must be stopped
— Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) August 3, 2016
Listen, don’t fuck with guacamole. Because people will come for you.
Gabe Bergado is a Daily Dot alumnus who covered dank memes, teens, and the weirdest corners of the Internet. One time, Ted Cruz supporters turned him into a meme—or at least tried to. In 2017, he started reporting for Teen Vogue's entertainment section.