9 perfect pairings for your virtual wine tasting

Rare cheese is so last century.


Marisa Kabas

Internet Culture

Published Aug 25, 2015   Updated May 28, 2021, 2:32 am CDT

The problem with attending a wine tasting is that it requires you to put on pants and leave your house. Or does it?

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Thanks to the Internet, anything is possible. And that includes bringing the luxury and elegance of a wine tasting right to your IKEA ektorp sofa while the dulcet tones of the Real Housewives play softly in the background.

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Some wineries, like Old York Cellars in New Jersey, offer the lazy wine connoisseur the opportunity to test out some new flavors along with an instructional video and other shut-ins on Twitter

One blogger explained (in a recent post called “Virtual wine tastings make it OK to drink alone”) the pre-virtual tasting ritual:

“About a half hour before the tasting starts, I raid my kitchen for possible pairings. Anything goes—and why not? There’s no one else there, so I don’t feel any pressure to create perfect pairings.”

But what if you don’t have an aged gouda on hand? What if you didn’t make it to the farmer’s market this week? Here are a few other things you can pair with your fermented grapes while a faraway sommelier waxes poetic about fruity notes.

1) The beating of your own heart

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2) The memory of that time your ex called you a pussy for liking rosé

3) The ghost of your childhood dog, Howard

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4) A puzzle

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5) The sound of the racoon who lives in your attic

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6) A recent, terrifying memory

7) An internal debate about whether or not you have a drinking problem

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8) ‘Adventures of the Gummi Bears’ theme song

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9) Infinite sadness

And voilà! You’re well on your way to being a gourmand, which means you can send back the wine in a restaurant after tasting it—not that you’ll ever make it out the front door. 

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Photo via Sean Freese/Flickr

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*First Published: Aug 25, 2015, 4:33 pm CDT