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Best business ever will put a penis on your competition’s logo
Shut up and tell me how to invest.
This article contains sexually explicit content.
Starting a new business is tough, and if you think sound planning or hard work is going to keep the wolves from the door, you’re dead wrong. Only the geniuses of Penised, a “graphic” design service that will artfully insert male genitalia into your competitor’s logo, can save you.
For $25 to $35, these folks will creatively cock up any corporate imagery you like. “Can you think of a better way to stick it to someone?” they ask. “No matter what age or gender, penises never get old (figuratively speaking).” Their gorgeous work samples confirm as much:
In an interview with Adweek, the site’s anonymous founders said that they hit upon the idea while “having a couple of beers and doodling some logo concepts for an app we were about to build.” Penised quickly went viral and received 1,000 résumés from dong-happy designers within a week of launching. And while the pair doesn’t care about offending any brand’s delicate sensibility, they know that it’s a matter of time before some dick ruins everyone’s fun:
We consulted with an attorney prior to this endeavor. Basically, if you look at our terms, all work should be considered parody and therefore should be OK. However, we recognize how litigious this country is and are well aware someone will probably take legal action at some point.
So don’t delay! Order your schlongified logo today—and tell them not to skimp on the pubes.
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'