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Analysis
There’s a general consensus in social etiquette that you don’t invite another guest to an event without asking the person who initiated the plan if it’s OK. And by event, I’m talking about any casual social gathering between a small group of people with the intention to catch up—like a brunch, dinner, or drinks.
Some people (usually extroverts) won’t mind if you show up with an extra guest or two, or if you go ahead and call the restaurant yourself to expand the reservation. But a lot of people would be bothered by this surprise, especially if you were mentally prepared for a one-on-one with a close friend you haven’t seen in a while.
This dilemma of a friend inviting an extra person to a gathering has been discussed on just about every social media platform, but I’ve noticed that the topic is popping up again—maybe because we’re now in the season when brunchinvites are on the rise. Last week,Twitter user @queend236 wrote, “My friend who invited her bf to brunch after I already stated I wanted it to be just the two of us, texted me ‘where do you want US to meet you?’ It’s gonna be a longgg day chile.” The tweet has more than 86,000 likes and 3,000 quote tweets.
The updates to the thread show that the friend kept pushing back and insisting on bringing her boyfriend until the Twitter user decided to cancel the plans entirely. She eventually found out the reason why her friend was so insistent on bringing her significant other.
Over on TikTok, comedian Sabrina Brier documented what it looks like when a friend informs you last minute that theyinvited someone else to your plan. Her POV video, titled “That friend who only wants 1 on 1 time,” received 2.4 million views on the app since it was posted in June of 2022. Her character in the video leaves after hearing that another person was added to the reservation. “You guys go, you guys have fun. We’ll do next week!” she says.
Brier recently reposted that video to Twitter after a moment in it, when Brier says “oh!” in a high-pitched voice, became a reaction meme. That led to a new audience seeing the video and replies from people who said they related to being the friend who wanted one-on-one time.
“Nah… I reserved energy for one person—you. Let me know these things in advance so I can get enough sleep, limit other interactions etc.,” wrote one user in response to the video.
Why it matters
Since 2020, a lot of us have experienced a decreased social stamina and a preference for small group gatherings. It’s not a surprise that inviting an extra person unannounced to a plan would become a recurring talking point.
In case you’re still wondering if you should add a person to a plan without discussing it with the other people involved first: please don’t do this!