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This morning, a news wire service in the U.K. dropped a doozy of a tweet.
A serial street pooher thought to have defecated in public dozens of times is being hunted by police https://t.co/HhgtSr0KkK— CourtNewsUK (@CourtNewsUK) March 7, 2017
The account didn’t link to any story or police report, so we aren’t really any closer to catching this man. But that’s not terribly important. What is important is all the poo puns that were flung back at Court News UK.
@CourtNewsUK Number 2 on Britain's Most Wanted.— Baz (@bivvybaz) March 7, 2017
Get it? It’s because it’s poo. And poo is No. 2.
Get it? Because shit is poo.
@CourtNewsUK They'll get to the bottom of it eventually— Cez (@le_petit_cochon) March 7, 2017
Get it? Because getting to the “bottom” of something means solving it, but also bottom is where the poo comes out of.
@CourtNewsUK There is something about this that doesnt smell right.— Mr Twitch (@Sub3Level) March 7, 2017
Do you get it?
It’s because poo smells and that’s also a metaphor for something not being on the level.
@CourtNewsUK skid marks were left at the scene....— Richie Bear (@flaneurbear) March 7, 2017
Because an escaping criminal would flee fast enough in a getaway car to leave burnt rubber on the road, which is what skid marks are, and also because skid marks are poo.
Then there was this lady, who was just happy about the picture.
Such sincere enthusiasm for a picture of a person pooping!
Now that is a thing of beauty.
David Covucci is the Layer 8 editor at the Daily Dot, covering the intersection of politics and the web. His work has appeared in Vice, the Huffington Post, Jezebel, Gothamist, and other publications. He is particularly interested in hearing any tips you have. Reach out at [email protected]