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Nick Offerman maintains pizza is a vegetable
If it comes from a plant, it is healthy, no matter how it got there.
The latest offering from Funny or Die stars one of the Internet’s favorite celebrities, Nick Offerman, explaining that pizza, fish sticks, and other traditionally “unhealthy” school lunch edibles are actually perfectly OK. Why? Because they all grow on a farm.
Offerman takes us through taquito trees, fish stick bushels, and even Sloppy Joe fields (watered with a steady supply of cola). Plucking a slice of pizza straight from a pizza stalk, he illustrates—accurately—that if something grows on a plant, it is good for you.
Despite the casting of Offerman, the farm sadly offered no bacon or steak crops.
Chances are that, in lieu of pesticide, applesauce is the deadly substance used to keep pests and too-hungry children away from the fields while the food matures.
Screengrab via Funny or Die
Mike Fenn is a former contributor to the Daily Dot whose beats included Reddit, YouTube, and all things WTF. His work has also appeared in Forbes and News.com.au.