Coronavirus fever! Have you caught it yet? (Too soon??) Well, it seems as if O.J. Simpson has come down with it—the fever, not the virus, unfortunately—as evidenced by a photo the former NFL runningback posted to his recently established Twitter account.
In the photo, Simpson is seen outside of a Costco Wholesale store wearing a surgical mask and toting a palette containing several cases of bottled water, two 30-packs of Charmin toilet paper, and paper towels. Also, a bunch of paper cups, for some reason?
“Coronavirus? Who’s afraid?” tweeted The Juice. Not him!
Coronavirus? Who’s afraid? pic.twitter.com/nNIxVwwGLB
— O.J. Simpson (@TheRealOJ32) March 6, 2020
Now, in case anyone needs a memory refreshing—perhaps having slept on the O.J.: Made in America documentary and FX miniseries The People v. O. J. Simpson: American Crime Story, both of which came out in 2016—Simpson is notorious for his acquittal of the 1994 murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman. Not to mention, all of the grossness (If I did It, Juiced, subsequent arrests, prison stints, etc., etc., etc.) that has since transpired.
In other words, most people aren’t terribly concerned about O.J. Simpson, of all people, contracting coronavirus. In fact, there may even be a few who would welcome such a development!
As such, the online response to Simpson’s tweet was all too predictable—as many users brought murder jokes as well as grim reminders of the past. Two people, including the mother of his children, were brutally murdered, after all.
Not your victims.
They're dead. https://t.co/V3A278WHHU
— Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson) March 6, 2020
Log off for the day. This is the perfect panic Tweet. https://t.co/G1recHO9i6
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) March 6, 2020
I Caught It https://t.co/Q8ZONcXXUg
— Sigh Hersh, Persuasive Authority (@Ugarles) March 6, 2020
I'm a lot more afraid of OJ Simpson wearing a mask than I am of Coronavirus. https://t.co/jDWtIqU6md
— Conor McKenna (@mckennaconor) March 6, 2020
Given that the virus has only claimed one victim so far in the state of California, many had variations of the same joke. “Statistically, I may have a better chance of being killed by you than the virus,” savagely tweeted H3 Podcast host Ethan Klein.
Statistically I may have a better chance of being killed by you than the virus
— Ethan Klein (@h3h3productions) March 6, 2020
It's kill rate is lower than yours so I'm gonna tough it out
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) March 6, 2020
OJ has killed more people in California than the Coronavirus has and he's worried about that disease. Hide your white female friends. Juice is on the loose. https://t.co/74xlz15CRx
— An Account About Hip Hop (@checktherhyme1) March 6, 2020
You’ve killed more people in California than the coronavirus has but ok https://t.co/RLYGHYBqXa
— bitchell wilcox (@ucf_problems) March 6, 2020
You killed more people than the coronavirus, stop frontin' https://t.co/Gt1attfB5B
— LSU DAN (@LSUDAN4) March 6, 2020
One person even edited a knife into Simpson’s purchases:
Looks like you've got everything you need OJ! pic.twitter.com/7aFdAjGHcd
— Andy Knight (@A_Train00) March 6, 2020
And of course, there were plenty of glove jokes:
if you really wanna be safe, get some gloves too https://t.co/suIC06b3Zd
— Uncle Nephew Cam (@CeeHawk) March 6, 2020
Should probably get some properly-fitting gloves, too.
— David Mendelsohn (@BigBabyDavid_) March 6, 2020
make sure the gloves fit this time https://t.co/2OACoFYJc8
— farah (@flaminchetos) March 6, 2020
Meanwhile, at least one person questioned why, exactly, O.J. Simpson needs so much toilet paper?
How much shitting is OJ planning to do in the next week? He has a palette of fucking Charmin. https://t.co/9IoK0piEN5
— Josh Hornsby (@Josh_ADHD) March 6, 2020
To be fair, the guy spent nearly a decade in prison. Maybe he knows something about the barter system that the rest of us don’t? Wipe ’em if you got ’em!