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The Loch Ness monster has been a creature we all believed and hoped to be real since its public conception in the 1930’s. But because crushing dreams is ~so~ 2019, scientists are now saying the Loch Ness monster might just be a giant eel. Womp, womp.
Reports of the cryptid surfaced in the ’30s, and many–scientists and curious folk, alike–have been trying to find a plausible explanation for the Loch Ness monster, who is said to inhabit the Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands. Plesiosaurs, sharks, giant catfish, and circus elephants taking a dip have all been floated around as plausible explanations for the Nessie sightings. But now, scientist say, eels of unusual size are the most likely culprits.
Scientists with the University of Otago project, which catalogs life in Loch Ness, took water samples from every level of the loch and sequenced the DNA its inhabitants have left behind. The scientists found that an eel was the only plausible explanation.
With all that’s going on with Brexit, of course, politics were roped into the Nessie news. “Eel or not, more people have seen Nessie than have seen an honest Tory,” Twitter user @CrowSaorAlba1 quipped.
Eel or not, more people have seen Nessie than have seen an honest Tory.— Crow Esquire (@CrowSaorAlba1) September 5, 2019
Saw this on twitter. Mocking Rees Mogg has become a national sport. Methinks I prefer Nessie though. pic.twitter.com/gIUx7k03bO— Heike and Dino, Esq. (@HeikeandDinoEsq) September 5, 2019
Hopefully soon youll be more likely to see Nessie than a Tory in Scotland— John Hunter (@CyclingJohnH) September 5, 2019
Moggy boy - try asking your 13 Scottish MP's why they avoid their own constituents? Most never have received any replies to their questions - I hear William Hill offer better odds on spotting Nessie than a Scottish Tory MP in their own constituency— Harvest Moon Radio (@HMRadioUK) September 5, 2019
And people are obviously very disappointed. “If it’s not ‘Nessie is real’ then I don’t want to hear it,” Twitter user @24shaz wrote.
If it’s not “Nessie is real” then I don’t want to hear it https://t.co/368YKdEkq5— I deride your truth-handling abilities (@24shaz) September 5, 2019
Tbh I’d rather believe the psychic dude who said he transported Nessie to another dimension and can’t get her back. That one is wild and so Scottish.— ﾟ*｡TAiLS ☆*。*.・ (@_Ignister) September 5, 2019
They’re saying that they think Nessie was/ is a big eel. Just me that thinks that is the most disappointing thing they could have ever have found out? Poor Nessie just went from a big monster to a wee soft eel. What would be scarier? Producer @NotCatHarvey thinks an eel 😭😭😭😭— Callum Gallacher (@callumstweets) September 5, 2019
I still have the literature on the subject, providing conclusive proof that she's a bonafide monster pic.twitter.com/zqo4zcaasX— vanessa (@vanessaivy_) September 5, 2019
My childhood self refuses to believe this. Nessie is a very good girl who is simply great at hiding. Maybe she's got a Potter invisibility cloak or maybe she flew off to Atlantis during the tests, but 4-yr-old me knows my childhood friend still exists and that's that. 😆 https://t.co/T0PtrE75L8— Kafkaesque (@Kafkaesque_Blog) September 5, 2019
People are posting their own Nessie “sightings.” One user sighted a sharpie-made Nessie, à la President Donald Trump.
Re: #Nessie— Stephen G. Rae 🌍 (@StephenGeoRae) September 5, 2019
My friend's Uncle lived beside Loch Ness all his life, and one evening, what he witnessed was so frightening, he never walked along the shoreline again. A giant eel sounds rather unimaginative. pic.twitter.com/zJ3LiDSzrv
Well actually, Scotland found the Loch Ness monster “ages ago”–and it has proof. The official Scotland tourist Twitter account posted a video, featuring a very cute and very stuffed pink Nessie.
Siobhan Ball is a historian, archivist, and journalist. She also writes for Autostraddle and bi.org