- ‘Bachelor’ contestant apologizes for ‘White Lives Matter’ photo shoot Today 12:13 AM
- ‘Sonic The Hedgehog’ sets box office record for video game movies Sunday 8:15 PM
- Truck driver allegedly watching porn kills teen driver in a car crash Sunday 6:44 PM
- Is the Buttigieg campaign behind this pro-Pete Nigerian Twitter account? Sunday 4:58 PM
- Mask that has your face printed on it allows you to unlock your phone during viral epidemics Sunday 3:52 PM
- Justin Bieber slid into the DMs of someone who hated his new album Sunday 1:05 PM
- HQ Trivia host and co-founder in Twitter feud amid shutdown Sunday 12:10 PM
- YouTuber shamed for fake call with Caroline Flack after her death Sunday 10:59 AM
- This MAGA-loving Keanu Reeves imposter isn’t fooling anyone Sunday 10:16 AM
- How to watch ‘Outlander’ season 5 online Sunday 8:00 AM
- Kobe Bryant’s complicated online legacy isn’t buried with him Sunday 6:00 AM
- TikTok teen’s reaction to discovering boyfriend’s cheating goes viral Saturday 4:46 PM
- This may be the creepiest Amazon review you’ll ever read Saturday 3:58 PM
- Bill Maher booed on own show over defense of Bloomberg Saturday 3:37 PM
- The Sun allegedly deletes negative Caroline Flack story after her death Saturday 2:48 PM
When presented with the phrase “heterosexual culture,” what comes to mind? For most people, probably not all that much, since for most of modern society—at least until fairly recently—sexual attraction to the opposite sex or gender has largely been the cultural norm. In fact, “heterosexual culture” sounds more of an oxymoron than anything else.
Yet somehow, trans writer Katelyn Burns seemingly nailed it over the weekend in one perfect tweet.
“Heterosexual culture is a woman, well-dressed, hair done, and makeup perfect at 5 am traveling with a man wearing flip flops and a tank top that says “cornhole champ,” she wrote, adding that she says it as a “hopeless heterosexual” herself.
Heterosexual culture is a woman, well-dressed, hair done, and makeup perfect at 5 am traveling with a man wearing flip flops and a tank top that says “cornhole champ”— Katelyn Burns (@transscribe) September 8, 2018
The tweet is essentially yet another variation of the “men are like this and women are like that” joke which has been around since probably the beginning of time. However, as the tweet went viral others began adding their own jokey contributions.
Heterosexual culture is a woman, a beautiful winged monster with venemous snakes writhing atop her head where her hair once was, and nearby, a man, transfixed, made of stone,— n8➡damage campin' (@onathanats) September 9, 2018
Some examples of heterosexual culture I found on my phone pic.twitter.com/bG2VAWsD8D— Dan McDaid! (@danmcdaid) September 9, 2018
Southern heterosexual culture is all this, but the woman’s hair has been cut short while still somehow big and full of hair spray. She’s also screaming, MARK, every five minutes and has giant cross earrings on, as well as a giant cross on her shirt.— 😺Sillykatz😺 (@bolenallie) September 9, 2018
thinking of tweeting something like “heterosexual culture is a balding man with a tom petty shirt using two ski poles as stilts while his long-term girlfriend tries to drown a pigeon in a fountain because it’s virgo season” and getting eleventy billion likes— ☭ the president of a ceo company ☭ (@poopjeans) September 9, 2018
Every time I see those “Heterosexual Culture Is...” tweets I want to tell u that Heterosexual culture is when I dated a guy who told me he ‘brought back’ wearing animal t-shirts Trend while in college and not even looking up from my phone said “No you didn’t.” and he replied “OK”— Christin Bailey (@hexprax) September 9, 2018
Heterosexual culture is a woman who is wearing yoga pants while walking her dog, balancing her salad, drink and her keys, dropping at least one. Pockets?— Here for the dot gif (@CityPretzelDC) September 9, 2018
Although one person made the fair point that why would anyone even want to have their hair and makeup done for five a.m. flight?
Heterosexual culture is monstrous men cackling as they force their kidnapped girlfriends to put on earrings while they wear sandals with toilet paper stuck to them. "Hahahaha! You must put on makeup and uncomfortable clothes to sit in a plane for six hours!" they say— spiritual gangster (@simmysamsozzle) September 9, 2018
And then there’s this example, which is oddly specific and seems to reference a 1997 Canadian sci-fi horror film called Cube?
Heterosexual culture is needing to figure out how to move between rooms without being murdered while trapped in a cube— Young woman who doesn't respect Holywood old guard (@rajandelman) September 10, 2018
Based on this little experiment, it seems safe to say we won’t be seeing any heterosexual pride parades happening any time soon. In the meantime, you can always find Friends reruns on Netflix.
Stacey Ritzen is a reporter and editor based in West Philadelphia with over 10 years' experience covering pop culture, web culture, entertainment, and news. You can follow her on Twitter @staceyritzen.