When presented with the phrase “heterosexual culture,” what comes to mind? For most people, probably not all that much, since for most of modern society—at least until fairly recently—sexual attraction to the opposite sex or gender has largely been the cultural norm. In fact, “heterosexual culture” sounds more of an oxymoron than anything else.
Yet somehow, trans writer Katelyn Burns seemingly nailed it over the weekend in one perfect tweet.
“Heterosexual culture is a woman, well-dressed, hair done, and makeup perfect at 5 am traveling with a man wearing flip flops and a tank top that says “cornhole champ,” she wrote, adding that she says it as a “hopeless heterosexual” herself.
Heterosexual culture is a woman, well-dressed, hair done, and makeup perfect at 5 am traveling with a man wearing flip flops and a tank top that says “cornhole champ”
— Katelyn Burns (@transscribe) September 8, 2018
The tweet is essentially yet another variation of the “men are like this and women are like that” joke which has been around since probably the beginning of time. However, as the tweet went viral others began adding their own jokey contributions.
Heterosexual culture is a woman, a beautiful winged monster with venemous snakes writhing atop her head where her hair once was, and nearby, a man, transfixed, made of stone,
— n8➟(G)osh (D)arn (C)anceled (@onathanats) September 9, 2018
Some examples of heterosexual culture I found on my phone pic.twitter.com/bG2VAWsD8D
— Dan McDaid (@danmcdaid) September 9, 2018
Southern heterosexual culture is all this, but the woman’s hair has been cut short while still somehow big and full of hair spray. She’s also screaming, MARK, every five minutes and has giant cross earrings on, as well as a giant cross on her shirt.
— 😺Sillykatz😺 (@bolenallie) September 9, 2018
Every time I see those “Heterosexual Culture Is…” tweets I want to tell u that Heterosexual culture is when I dated a guy who told me he ‘brought back’ wearing animal t-shirts Trend while in college and not even looking up from my phone said “No you didn’t.” and he replied “OK”
— Christin Bailey (@hexprax) September 9, 2018
Although one person made the fair point that why would anyone even want to have their hair and makeup done for five a.m. flight?
Heterosexual culture is monstrous men cackling as they force their kidnapped girlfriends to put on earrings while they wear sandals with toilet paper stuck to them. "Hahahaha! You must put on makeup and uncomfortable clothes to sit in a plane for six hours!" they say
— Thirsting Veblen (@simmysamsozzle) September 9, 2018
And then there’s this example, which is oddly specific and seems to reference a 1997 Canadian sci-fi horror film called Cube?
Heterosexual culture is needing to figure out how to move between rooms without being murdered while trapped in a cube
— winter jerk (@rajandelman) September 10, 2018
Based on this little experiment, it seems safe to say we won’t be seeing any heterosexual pride parades happening any time soon. In the meantime, you can always find Friends reruns on Netflix.